Diary of an Escort

  • OMG I am nearly 40
  • How do I feel about that? Shocked, I have spent my entire adult life so far in the mist of what was a chronic drug addiction. With what saved me, I can’t even be honest about, can I even say the worlds aloud? I am an escort. I AM AN ESCORT. What is so annoying is that it was probably saved me. How do I feel about it? More importantly, am I ready to give it up? What the fuck am I going to move onto, I feel like I have no skills… how do you transfer the skills of buying and selling drugs and sucking dick and demanding men pay you for your fanny services?Yes, see, hard isn’t it? And you thought this would be a simple transition? Do I wait for life to push whats next under my nose and take the scraps… the jobs they don’t ask about your criminal history?? Do I pray? Only God and the angels with there supernatural skills will be able to get me out of this predicament?! Do I consult the tarot cards for the millionth time this week? Only to be told that I must wait patiently and to meditate. I swear if I meditate one more time my soul is going to punch me internally in the face!
  • I have bought books in witchcraft, chakra healing, how to read tarot…. and have stared working out at the gym. I looked at courses this morning and I could do anything but I can hear my families eyes rolling and cringe as this will be the millionth course I will start and probably never eventuate into a job. Fear of completion….. I think its a new mental health disorder I may of picked u! Great…. whats the medication for this, probably meditation aaaaaggghh. Now I can feel my therapists eyes rolling lol.
  • Don’t get me wrong, I am truly so greatful that I no longer grapple daily with the beast that is addiction but wtf do I do now?
  • Have I felt old and overweight… does this make me want to use yes. Secondly it makes me want to spendmy hard earned dick sucking money. I’m looking for that instant gratification. I know this!!! Why, cos I feel like shit. No one is booking me and I feel so unsexy. Aren’t I a high class escort? Or is that just what prostitutes tell themselves to get threw one more job!! What is my new resolution for this? I can either work out, meditate or get a massage once a week. I have to get past this filter obsessed, social media judgement based living. Fuck I am a smart woman now, aren’t I? Well, not according to my brain. Fuck the demons. Would you just fuck off…. let me feel amazing for once. Haven’t you eaten my soul enough… aren’t you sick of feasting on me?

Going to the gym. Might dye my hair black tonight to make me feel like I am on holiday… as the saying goes, or is that a lie too.?

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September 18, 2021

I cannot imagine living like that! sucking a stranger’s dick would make me puke

September 18, 2021

I don’t know you but I want to reach out to you and say – please don’t be so hard on yourself.

Sex work is sex work. Its work. It’s something that you’ve done and that you’re good at and that doesn’t make you a bad person.

40 is young. Society has conditioned us to feel otherwise about being over 25. I guarantee that you’re a beautiful woman. You can go any direction. You could stop being physical and just get on cam. You could help younger women by sharing your story.

You are clearly smart. Your writing shows that. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re going to be okay. You have a whole lifetime ahead of yourself. And look at you! You stopped selling drugs. You stopped daily usage of them.

You’ve got this girl. Keep your chin up.

September 22, 2021

@queengloom thank you so much for your encouraging words. This is my first time writing on this platform. I didnt really know what to expect and I didnt know for sure if anyone could read what I wrote/comment or if they would even want to! Lol. But thanks for making me feel super valid and just as perfect as the next imperfect human!

Love and Light and I hope u feel the love and gratitude I’m sending back to u xxx


September 22, 2021

@missawesomeattitude I’m glad I could help you feel encouraged. Thank you for the warm words in return!

October 15, 2021

@queengloom You really did. My heart sunk when I read the first two comments and thought omg here we go…. but it warmed my heart what you wrote. Words and encouragment are so much to a person that is at a low point. I really appreciated the non judgment. xxx