why..?

I’m not sure why it is necessary for me to feel this way sometimes… I really do get tired of it. My life is not that bad most of the time, and yet here I sit…thinking about stupid shit that is beyond my control, wanting to cry. And while I’m not as bad as I used to be about this, I wish I could just flip a fucking switch and turn it all off… I’ve gotten myself into so many stupid situations that I couldn’t get out of, and wasted so much goddamn time, and lost so, so much…but why can I not shake it..? It’s like I can ignore it a great deal of the time and then bam, it’s so overwhelming that I can’t think about anything else…and I don’t know what to do but drink myself into oblivion and cry. I just wish it weren’t this way….