2/8/2022

I feel so tired and sluggish today.  I think it’s because I don’t have my meds.  I feel really depressed too.  So yeah, that makes sense.  I called a guy that rents houses and apartments and he said he should have some stuff ready at the beginning of March.  That would be awesome.  I could finally leave him and be free.  After this, I am never going to be in another relationship ever again.  I don’t want to be stuck like this ever again.  It’s awful and exhausting.  I’m so sick of him.  It’s like taking care of a giant child.  I don’t want kids.  I never did and it feels like I keep having to take care of adults who act like them.  I’m fucking sick of it.

All day I have been wanting C though.  I know we would never work out.  I don’t want a relationship and he has kids and he’s kind of a selfish jerk.  But I guess I just want the physical part back.  Bad.  I just want it really bad today.  I sound like a slut, I know.  I don’t care.  I’m done caring about much of anything.  Life is miserable.  So what if I want a little fun every once in a while?  I can’t wait to be free.