Going with the motions

For the last little while, and by while I mean years, I have been just going through the motions of life. There have been a lot of ups and downs. Relationships, careers etc etc. And to be honest I’ve not been taking charge of my life. More like being a third row passenger. It’s easier this way. No real commitments, no disappointments, just a nice easy go with the flow type of deal. Only problem with that is nothing in life improves that way. It almost gets worse.

My husband and I separated 3 months ago. I’ve got a great apartment with my son and we are both very happy here. But the place is a disorganized mess. It looks like a bomb went off in here on a regular basis. Always dishes and laundry and dishes and laundry LOL. Rather than do anything about it, I sit on the couch and do nothing. I watch a lot of TV, eat a significant amount of junk food, and just exist.

My finances, while not a mess, my ex is still paying a couple of my bills simply because I haven’t gone to the bank to change things. Also, it literally just comes down to me not taking care of things. I just go with the flow because that’s easier. Because it allows me to sit on the couch and watch TV and eat junk food. Because that’s easier.

Lastly, my weight. When all you do is eat take out and junk food and sit and watch TV you become overweight. And like a lot, not a little. I have 110 pounds to lose. I see that number and become so overwhelmed so easily. And I just think, the hell with it. I go to the store, buy more junk, come home an sit on the couch and watch TV.

Maybe I need to get rid of my couch?

It has to change. I have to change. I want to change.

So the first thing that is being tackled is my apartment. No one wants to live in a mess. Where there’s that odour and people don’t want to come in. I’m starting there. Cleaning and staying on top of the cleaning in my apartment.