1 Reason to live.

I am truly and utterly exhausted. Yes, I’m tired in the way that every human seems to be tired, but I’m also exhausted of life. Feeling things is too much, however not feeling would be devastating. Being touched is overstimulating, but not being touched is unbearable. I’m afraid of nothing and terrified of everything. I have so much to lose and no energy to hold it. I want to sleep for days, months, or years. I want to rest through the bitter trials ahead of me.  I also don’t want to miss out on my life. I don’t even want a life at times, but I also don’t want to die. I want to exist in a way that feels peaceful. Quiet. Safe. Warm. What is the point of anything? There would be no point, except…there is love.

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September 11, 2023

I feel like I could have wrote this.

Sorry you are feeling this way.


November 17, 2023

I relate to this in more ways than one.  The ambivalent feelings associated with deep depression. The feeling of yearning to live, whilst simultaneously feeling the desire to not exist at all. It’s a strange and confusing juxtaposition of emotion.