I just get back home and see him walking towards the house….I know exactly where he is coming from.  I am praying I am wrong.

For days we have been trying to figure out how we are going to cope with just cents to our name. Last week I think I had popcorn for supper every night and bread and peanut butter at work….just so there was some cash for the meals for the weekend.

After lots of mmmm….and aaahhh….and calculating and figuring out how we will make it work…he asks for a loan from the bank.

While I am at work he tells me got the loan….

So for the afternoon we talk about what we going to do and make sure we pay it back asap before we drown further into debt….

The whole day he tells me he has been busy at work….been too busy to really talk to me properly….too busy to do anything else besides sit in front of the computer and work and read my messages and give 3 word answers..

But as I park the car and he walks up to me…I know it…so I ask… “you just come from Norman Goodfellas” he nods and then hands me his wallet.

So instead of the night I thought we would have of discussing our budgets and figuring out a repayment plan and figuring out how we are going to prevent this from happening…over and over again…

I am going to spend the next few days with a FUCKING drunk husband. The story of my life.

“There’s a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
‘Cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you only try turning around” 

“Oh Breathe, Just Breathe

Oh Breathe, Just Breathe”

 Think I am just going to jump into the shower…let the rain wash away my frustration….

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September 14, 2021

A few days ago, it seemed as if you were asking out into the Winds if your marriage would survive.

I think he’s given you your answer in his own actions.

September 14, 2021

@tigerhawk – I don’t know what to do.

September 14, 2021

@ncumisa – Is there ANY way to lean on your siblings or your dad?

And, did he also attach the loan in your name as well as his?  From how this sounds, it seems that he did that himself…

September 14, 2021


The loan is on his name.

I can’t keep crying to my dad and sister. I feel like that is all I ever do.

I promised my dad I would not ever get a loan again, after just balancing the one that I had. And this one that my husband just took,  I was involved in the whole  decision making.

I was so happy. After donating blood and going back to gym….I feel like life was suddenly looking bright.

Maybe I should seriously go to my sisters in jhb at the end of the month. Ask my dad to buy me a plan ticket and I just spend a weekend with them.  Well they are not talking to each other, so that is going to stuck having to divide my time between the two of them.

September 14, 2021

@ncumisa – Well, okay…but I guess what I’m getting at is, are you legally liable for the loan that he took out?  The laws can certainly be different down there, but if your name isn’t on it, and you’re not legally married to him…it might be easier on you that way.

Maybe “crying to your dad and sister” without doing anything about it is one thing, but I’m talking about the massive type of move where you move out of that flat and stay with either one of them until you’re able to figure things out and how you can move forward on your own.  Yes, it’s always a difficult thing to do, but it’s clear that nothing will ever be on a clear trajectory to being debt free while still also living in the same household as him.

He’s literally drowning himself, and he’s more than ecstatic to take you with him.

I know this is easy for me to say, but you need to get out while you still can.  Otherwise, he WILL drag you under.  Completely and without the possibility of your own recovery.

September 15, 2021

@tigerhawk Good Morning

Legally I don’t think I have any liability to the loan as we are not married but since we have been in a serious relationship for quite some time, one could in the end argue that we are married in terms of company law…but I not worried so much about the loan.

I am just pissed off how he gets money and we can finally breathe and the first thing he does is buy alcohol.

I am always welcome at any of my familie’s houses, but my sisters live a 2hr flight away from me and even though my dad is about a 6 min drive away from me, I can’t live with his girlfriend again; besides my dad is in JHB with my sisters right now. But last night I did have a thought…next weekend is a long weekend and I have taken off an extra few days off work, so I could beg my dad to buy me a plane ticket to spend those few days with my sister.

Advising me to get out while I can, is not ‘easy talk’, it is logical talk but then…

I have kicked him out of the flat before and ended our relationship only to get back together with him a month later and then about 2 years later married him.
in everyone’s eyes we are married, and maybe it is just me being too proud that I find the idea of getting ‘divorced’ after being married for just under 3 years, embarrassing
I worry about what he will do and where he will go
I love him so much, that the idea of a life without him breaks me down…

….but then I think how can I keep going on with a guy that can be so selfish at such dire times and how can I choose 3 days of happiness for 4 days of angry and sadness every week?

September 14, 2021

Hi Peace. I know I just joined and my opinion might be too fresh or new. Maybe unwarranted, but hopefully not.

I want to just say that I fully agree with @Tigerhawk. I’ve dealt with alcoholism in life – through myself, through relationships, through parents. A lot of them will never change. Not because they don’t love you, but they are just lost and not willing to sacrifice the way they cope with sadness.

I once heard a quote from a recovering alcoholic man talking about his wife who was still drinking a lot and he said to her “I would walk through the fires of hell with you if you needed me to. But I won’t live there with you.”

Thinking of you, lady. Sending you all the good vibes. You’re strong, poetic, creative – you deserve the best and a healthy support system.

September 15, 2021

@queengloom – Good Morning Queen

I respect your opinion, I created the post I therefore have to be open to all replies and respect them and consider them.

It is just so hard to come to that final conclusion. I worry about where he will go, and I don’t want to be alone. And I pictured the rest of my life with him.

Thank you for the compliments and well wishes <3