Can’t Be Love…
They say love is supposed to set you free
Give you wings to fly
They say love is supposed to hold the key
To life and eternity
Love is such a lie. Well at least for me it is. People tell me they love me, but then I feel so used by them! My own mother…the women who gave birth to me almost 38 years ago was once willing to sign me away for a house…I guess she got a slightly better deal as he has a daughter who is a constant atm for her and her eldest daughter. It is crazy how mothers know how to pull on their child’s heart strings to make them feel bad or make them feel guilty when they cannot do something so they will do everything they can to help her out. I suppose it isn’t her fault that Apartheid screwed her over and left her living a life where she can be and do nothing more than what she did to survive. It isn’t her fault that she lives in a Country lead by a bunch of thieves who are more concerned with padding their pockets than working on a building an economically stable country filled with people who don’t have to live off grants and still steal to be able to buy a slice of bread…or people who live pay check to pay check and still cannot make it further then the 1st week of the month.
When I got married…when I fell in love, I thought I was tying my life with someone else to share my life with and to help me through the burdens of life, the pressures of family, the laughs and joys of tomorrow. 
was I wrong! I married another obligation. I mean yes, he makes me laugh and smile…and I am not sure if he makes me happy or if I am just content with what I have and just make it work. I know marriage isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and waterfalls…but damn at least when you are dealing with a flood and drowning, you would think there would be someone there to give you a hand and pull you out of the water.
So when the party’s over
You suddenly get colder
And I need someone to hold me tight
And tell me everything is gonna be alright
My life sure isn’t a party. My life feels more like a rollercoaster ride. Well suppose the middle of the month is when it is a party.
But hey when it is the end of the month, and the 
, the dawn of when the salary comes in just to be flushed out again a few hours later becomes a reality.
I am no over emotional person…not a fan of pda but I do sometimes just want to be in loving and warms arms. Someone to carry the baggage of life and just tell me everything is going to be alright. And I don’t mean they just tell me that everything is going to be alright because at the end of the day I will make sure everything is alright. I just wish the person I chose to share the rest of my life with could handle it all when I couldn’t…or even when I can…I just wish I didn’t have to ask to be held.
Can’t be love
‘Cos I’m not free
And it ain’t enough
I don’t believe
Oh, believe in love
I don’t believe in love
I don’t believe in love
So you can tell me that you love me
A thousand times
But for you to show me
You couldn’t even if you tried
He tells me that he loves me…but I just think that is because he doesn’t have to worry about the expenses of life with being me…and he knows I am gullible so he can just say 
and that will be a plaster to cover any cuts in our marriage.
On the outside
I know that it would make sense
On the inside, baby
It feels strange
You go your way
I go my way
‘Cos it can’t be