Do You Love Me?

Answering that question is becoming harder and harder every time he asks me. Of course he asks me that question when he is drunk and I am angry at him, so at that precise moment isn’t the emotion that I am consumed with….

So I hate myself…because I know I am partially to blame for this and no mater what I tell myself there is no right answer, I was wrong. On Friday he asked me to buy him a small bottle of vodka. When I went to the liquor store they didn’t have the small bottle so I bought the bigger bottle and a few other things too…I wanted to sip some booze too. Well I had a double and he pretty much finished the entire bottle before midnight.

For some odd reason he was drunk too yesterday and so when we went out to for supper I was in a fowl mood. We sat in a restaurant and we barely spoke to each other. The restaurant was full of couples and friends all laughing and enjoying the atmosphere and I was there just wishing I could be mixed in that crowd.

This past week my dad was in JHB, so yesterday I fetched him from the airport. While we were driving home I briefly spoke about this plan that I want to do. He wasn’t very keen on it and went on about how he thinks my husband is bad news and is just after my money….

So I do come from a stable financial family but because I was in an accident a few years ago, I got paid out a lump sum from The Road Accident Fund. When I was younger my father bought me properties with that money and invested some. Due to Covid and the major rise in poverty and homeless people in Cape Town, particularly where my one duplex is, I decided to sell it as I my tenant left due to the dwellers living right outside and I was having trouble finding a new tenant.

Anyway so I now have a lot of money to do something with. My plan was to buy new property in a thriving location. Now all my talk about property got my husband interested in also getting something for himself.

He hasn’t got the money to purchase anything himself and he doesn’t earn enough to qualify for a Bond from the bank.  Yesterday we had a meeting with the Investment Company Consultant and he showed a way that he could buy the property… I buy it cash and then a lil while later using both our salaries, my husband apply for a bond. With the Bond he pays me back and then using the Rental Income he pays off the bond etc. In the end he will be earning just a few hundred rand from the Apartment but he is all about owning an asset to his name and having something of his own so when I should ever kick him out again, he will have something of his own.

Now I get all this and I am all for supporting all this…but I want to buy property for myself to earn rental income from, but I just don’t know what property and all this money is in a trust so I need my father to sign off on this too. And he isn’t very pro helping my husband out. Many times over the years, yesterday as well, he told me that no one in my family likes him or really want him in my life, but he just doesn’t want me to be alone. Now I planned to go to my dad today and have it all out with him about this and just clear the air, but it is 

So think maybe tomorrow after work I will meet with him and discuss all this.

But right now, I am just so fucking confused.