The Weekend From Hell!

This weekend was crazy! Last year my husband’s uncle past away, so this weekend the family got together, from all corners of the Country and a cousin and his wife and adorable baby, from the US/Zimbabwe, to remember him on his birthday and to bury his ashes.

Friday was all chilled….the family in town got together after work to have some Birthday Cake, pray and go over the itinerary for Saturday. I wasn’t going to join them at the service as I had Shul but I was going to join them for lunch which then turned into a huge endless drinking feast.

As per usual you are told the event will begin at a certain time, but only actually gets started like an hour and half later. I rushed from work to fetch my husband from his work and together we navigated through a lil traffic and unfamiliar roads to get to his aunt; where we were all to meet for prayers.

Get there at 6pm, the time it is supposed to start and there are no other cars there. So we decide to wait for people to arrive. His family only arrives at about 7pm and then slowly everyone else arrives and for about 30 minutes we are al greeting each other outside on the street.

We make our way up to the Aunt’s flat and again some more greeting…prayers only get started at about 8ish.

We get home at about 10 and I am too tired to do anything so off to sleep I go.

 we get dressed in a lil hurry, I drop my husband off at his family and off to Shul I go for Shabbat Service and Class on Shabbat.

It was lovely…will go into details in another post. But the …started when I drove off from shul. I was at a robot and felt wind blowing from behind me. Though it was strange that the back window was wide open but I attempted to close it anyway, but it wouldn’t close. So I turned back and realized the car had been broken into. I immediately started to panic. Didn’t know what to do. Figured I would go and get a new window fit in. But no place was open anymore as it was already midday on Saturday. I called my father and he was a lil nonchalant and my husband was panicked and angry when I called him. Originally I told him I was going to go back home and not join him. He convinced me to come to them and everything will work out.

 I finally get to them. After explaining what happened about a million times, half of the family left at the church/memorial grounds jump into my car and off I am to go to the cousin who is hosting the lunch.

Of course as per Black time lunch only happens at about 4pm. I am then sent out to buy alcohol…others also go with and buy, but my husband asked me to go and get for him, for his contribution. I feel so stupid for doing that… anyway I drink 3 bottles of very low alcohol beverages and mingle with family. Whenever I see my husband he seamed sober. I know he only had about 1 drink and I was watching him.

20h30 hits and everyone is still merrily drinking and having a good time. The cousin whose hosting the get together tells everyone to gather so they could pray and say goodbyes, as Load-shedding is scheduled for 22h00. I try and help and get everyone inside. Prayers go well, but no one seems to want to leave. I am all for dropping whoever back at their hotel and going home. But they have other plans, they want to drink some more and party!

22h00 hits and cars only then start getting filled up. As I hit the ignition load shedding strikes. So I have to drive over the constant speed bumps on the road and the traffic circles, with just my car lights. . Then travel down a dirt back road to the hotel all in the dark and let’s not forget I do not know this area. 

We get to the hotel and they decide to drink in the one cousin’s hotel room and have their own mini disco with some music playing off a cell phone through the tv speakers.

Now I am so over this shit so I go and sit at the hotel bar with the other cousins who are sipping wine and being more calm. We talk and laugh and I just think of how much longer I have to be there.

I told my husband before we got there I wasn’t comfortable with my car just in the parking lot, with a broken window. They all assured them that there is 24/7 security (which there was) and my husband promised he would go down and check on the car every now and then, which I believe he did as I did see him go through the bar area a few times and at then end of the night my car was still there when we were ready to go home. 

 I had had enough and wanted to go home. I go up to the hotel room where they are dancing and drinking. I see my husband has drank a lot and is way over his limit. I am tired. I tell him I want to go home. So he tells me to speak to his sister. I tell her I want to go home…she just shrugs and continues to dance.

I decide to go back to the other more sane ones. While I am there the other cousin and I have a lil spat.

She believes that the cousins who are doing well for themselves financially, should help the family that struggle. She stressed that they are OBLIGATED to help the others.

Another cousin, who is doing well for himself said that he feels that he should help those that are old and have nothing and not worry so much about the younger family that are able to get jobs and earn for themselves.

I decided to chip in. I asked why should anyone be obligated to help. I didn’t get to really finished my opinion because everyone was shouting over each other. But anyway my whole point is the reason that this whole country is fucked up is because the black mentality is all about the children getting education and jobs and just paying it back to their elders and siblings. I am all about the kids doing well for themselves and working on their future and kids and wives and not so much about their siblings and their offspring and their parents. But I didn’t quite get a chance to say any of that. While I am writing this I am thinking about how my husband’s sister has 4 kids and I have none, because we cannot get it financially right because he is always helping his family out financially. right now I have so much buzzing in my head about this topic…

Anyway so it hits 01:30 and I am done, I march to the hotel room and without saying anything they all pick up their stuff and make their way to my car.

As I am climbing into bed I hear my husband, who is totally drunk, messing about in the lounge/kitchen/bathroom.  Sometime in the morning he must have gone to bed because I wake up to his snoring.

I see that my husband is dressed and ready to go. I ask him what is going on and he says he is going to the police station to report my car break in. He hands me a note he has written of that happened. I see that he has signed my name, even though it is wrongly spelt. I tell him this and in the end I storm off to the police station which is just a 5 min walk from my flat.

I report the incident and while I am doing this he shows up. Once it is all done, we leave to go home. While I am walking home I ask him how dare he sign my signature. I go on about how he signed it all wrong etc. He tells me well he was unable to sleep, which is a lie, anyway he was unable o sleep because he was so upset and angry about what happened and he was just writing the letter for me to sign. but he signed it. He said he knows he signed it wrong, it was just for me to see, but I am like you write my name correctly in the beginning of the letter and then you sign it incorrectly and if it was just a letter for me to read and copy why did he sign it?

Anyway in the end the Sergeant writes everything. Before I sign what she has written, I read through it to make sure that nothing is false…while I am reading it I realize how bad her spelling and grammar is. Inside I laughed at how these people are meant to have gotten their High School certificate to be Police, but they cannot seem to fill in a simple form.

While I am at home, I begin to clean up and my husband then tells me that his immediate family is downstairs at the front door of the building with all their luggage etc.

So his mother, sister, her 4 kids and my husband’s brother comes up to my flat. I am embarrassed as I was not prepared for this, and the flat is a mess. I just want them out of the flat, but I cannot be rude and kick them out.

So I decide that I will take them out for lunch and by the time we are finished with lunch they will have to have left to go to the bus station so they could go home.

I take them out for lunch. The whole time I am pissed off and my husband seems to be as well, as he claims to have never known they were going to come to our flat and shit. I decide to go outside and get some air. When I return they are gone. So I try and call them, but the call won’t go through. I go to the cellular shop, turns out my phone had no network. My phone get’s connected and I call them. They had already called for an uber and were waiting outside for it. When I get there my husband, his brother and their nephew is waiting, the others had left.

Thankfully when I get home and open the flat for them they all just grab their stuff, my mother and sister in law thank me for lunch and being hospitable…

…and they leave.

I then put my head down and just clean up. My brother in law is staying at us for a few days…I am okay with that, and so I clean up the spare room and as I about to change the bed linen by husband says…

 Now he is really hungover and incoherent. I leave him and do other stuff. he never changed the bed linen. Load Shedding started when we got back from lunch so there is not much for the brothers to do. My husband asks me for my flat keys, as his was in the bag that was stolen on Saturday, him and his brother are going for a walk. I know there is a liquor store a block away and if you walk about 10 minutes you will be at a bar.

I get to work in cleaning the house and showered and prepared for the work week. My husband and his brother return when electricity is back and they just hang around in the lounge/kitchen but I just watch 

When my husband got into bed it was about 1am, I was sleeping but woke up then as he quickly fell asleep and his snoring would wake me up. Now I can sleep through anything but his snoring worried me as often it sounded like he was chocking on his own saliva. When that happened I did secretly wish he would choke and die…I am just filled with a lot of negativity towards me husband.

When I told my husband on Saturday that I wanted to leave the hotel, he quickly told me to speak to his sister and when she didn’t want to leave he never took my side.

He so easily gave into drinking and partying with his family and had no real regards towards me. I get him wanting to be with his family, I will support that in anyway that I can but he was happy to drink and let them take control of us.

Like when we were having lunch yesterday, he said to me that he needs me to calm him down and ground him when he is angry and stressed. I quickly turned around and quietly shouted WHAT ABOUT ME? my car was broken into and so I had a new car without a window in it. I felt disregarded and irritable, how can he expect me to be there for him when he is all drunk and hungover? 

Last night and this morning all I was thinking about was how I wished he would just leave me. I am so fed up with all this chaos. I was so happy with my conversion and now I am just so stressed and worried and freaking out. Well at least my flat is clean…well cleanish.

Ooh another reason why I am fed up is that I am totally against smoking in the flat or car. Once we had a guest and I allowed him to smoke out the kitchen window, but after that I have not allowed it. My husband often smokes out the kitchen window, because he is too lazy to go outside, and I will beg him to stop doing that. Last night whenever I went to the bathroom I saw him and his brother smoking out the kitchen window. Now my brother in law is a guest in the flat but I just want him to leave and be able to scream at my husband. But then how many times must I scream at him?