5/5/21

I finally asked R out on a date.  It was as he was leaving from hanging out on Sunday.  He said he wasn’t looking to date anyone right now, but then followed it up with “I just remember what I was and I don’t want to put anyone through that.”

I took a couple of steps towards him and told him that while I accepted the rejection (I seriously did without tears- kind of crazy), he shouldn’t let who he used to be dictate the rest of his life.  I told him he isn’t the asshole he thinks he was and that I believed in him because he is a great person.  Mr. One-armed hug hugged me tight with two whole arms, thanked me and told me that it made him happy to hear someone say that.

Before he left, I told him if he ever changes his mind to let me know since I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, and that no answer changes nothing between us.

It’s amazing how I handled that without tears.  It didn’t even really feel like rejection.  It felt like my friend was continuing to grow and needed to continue to grow, and the fact that he was honest with me about it makes me happy.  I felt bad for him though.  My neighbor came home right as we were talking about it, and I wanted to finish the conversation and it probbbbbably freaked R out a bit.  That’s my bad. Of course there is that voice in the back of my head that says “maybe someday”, but that will probably fade if I ever meet someone else I want to be with.  Maybe I will.  Maybe I won’t. I honestly don’t feel so empty anymore.  I should have had this conversation sooner, but at the same time, I’m happy I got the spontaneous urge to just ask him.  I was confident.

It does sting a bit, but knowing that it isn’t because of anything I’ve said or done helps.  Knowing that my friend wants to better himself helps.  Knowing that we are still friends afterwards and have talked (albeit briefly) since then.  I’m happy to have someone like him in my life.

Anyway.

Pink Cat is under the weather.  She’s had a case of the sneezes and the pee in the bathtub so I notice task earlier.  She’s been drinking out of the aquarium that I’m waiting on a replacement filter for.  She has a fountain but she just ignores it anymore.

I finally got my stimmy.  New computer on payday. An MSI laptop.  An absolute beast laptop that just happens to come in pink.  Love it.  Absolutely love it.

I hope this replacement filter gets here tomorrow.  My plants may be here tomorrow.  I’d like to hurry and get them set up so I can have some fishies on payday. Vaccine side effects and fishies.