Gutting out my life.

I have just made a standing order with the Salvation Army to donate a ton of stuff. My couch, chair, end tables, coffee table, and bed. Why? Because 1, I have no one to help me move and there’s no way to afford help. 2, Chances are I’m going to have to find a studio place or worse, sleep in my truck. I can probably afford a small storage place for odd boxes and stuff. I worry about moving the tvs. Yes somehow I have wound up with 2 big flat screens. I don’t do FB so no marketplace and have no clue how to do Craigslist. There was another, I just can’t remember the name.

Even with all that being donated, I feel I still have too much. I would love to just load up my clothes and some pictures and leave in the night. Leave all the shit for the land lord. I wish I could find that man in myself. Just pick up and go, screw everyone. But where to? Nowhere. I have nowhere to go.

I wish I could be one of these “van” people. Hell, I would settle for living in the truck if I had a cap for the bed.

I’ll let you all in to a secret. I have been offered a place to stay for a bit, but every atom in my body is telling me not to. I have mentioned this person before. I know she has designs on me. She has always held a flame. It’s just, I don’t. I have absolutely no attraction towards her and as much as I would really like to take a few weeks to save up, I just see things going to shit quick here.

I can’t shake the thought that she, even knowing I am not interested,  will see this as way more than a friend helping a friend. I see this going to a very uncomfortable relationship where in the end I will somehow come out worse then when I went in.  This isn’t a ” hey I have an extra room” thing, this is a I will force my kids out of their room for you or you can use the family room thing. A, I have younger female children, thing. Way too much to go sideways thing.

Could she actually be just a concerned person who wants to help? Yes, but there’s way too much things that feels wrong to me, too many things that can go to shit, especially in this day and age. No, I’m not some user dirty old creepy man, but all it takes is a lie. I think you know what I mean.