This is my brain

Ok, here we go:

There’s this part of my brain that keeps telling me that all of this was a mistake. Patty got caught up in the “feels” and it all went too far too fast and now this is how things are stuck. The rest of my brain and all the fibers of my being know that she was gone days, weeks, or months before. She immediately moved him in and took absolutely no time to close joint accounts. She packed the “sentimental” things and had my sons give them to me within days. She was engaged within weeks and married days after the divorce became official. Yet, I sit here listening to the part of my brain that tells me it’s all a mistake. Honestly, I don’t know if I miss her or if I miss being loved, wanted, and needed, because when she checked out of my life, so did most everyone.

I am so tired of hearing how I have to love myself, know myself, or fix myself, by people. To me, at this point, these people just say that so they can pat themselves on the back as if they helped. Not one of them calls or visits or even makes time to actually sit and have a coffee. Just saying the phrases is enough to help and if I happen to ask more, I am an unappreciative broken man and I need professional help. You see, I do care for myself and I am doing the steps and I have reached a point where I want others in my life. It’s like running out of gas and everyone stops to tell me I need gas, but no one offers to drive me to the nearest garage when I ask for one. It’s all “no, no, no. I can’t do that. You have to figure out how to get gas.” I have! I need a ride to get gas. I have bad knees and can not walk that far, everyone knows this, but as they drive away, they have all said “call me if you need something…” They never answer.