Wow…I didn’t know

I just watched a video my sister posted three years ago of Nanny, already sick with cancer, singing "Silent Night" with my sister. I had no idea it would make me feel the way it did.

I feel like a hypocrite, somewhat, but it is what it is. I have tears streaming down my face, and there were sobs wracking my body, because I miss Nanny more than I can explain. I wanted to reach into the video and give her one more hug. Kiss her and tell her how much I love her and ALWAYS WILL. There’s still such an enormous, and apparently still-fresh, hole in my heart where my grandmothers always were.

It surprised me that it felt so new again.