It’s been awhile. Sometimes I feel like writing daily, sometimes I want to pretend the things in life just aren’t real. Guess, we’ve been in the not real stage for quite a bit now.
Nothing has changed. Yet, everything has changed.
We’re fully licensed with Foster Care and still have M. A “few hours” while we figure this out – to 30 days – to 60 days has led us to here. To having a beautiful child for 5 months on Tuesday. He’s came so far. We’ve got a few words. He’s excelling in his early childhood PreK. He’s eating spaghetti meat – still little else, but hey, I’ll take a win where a win can be found. He’s sleeping through the night – mostly – since he’s had tubes in and adenoids out. He’s just been sick. Forever. It’s ridiculous. We’ve taken so many antibiotics, essential oils. I just texted the ped and told her we are SICK again. She said it’s just the way it is this year and she doesn’t think he needs more antibiotics. Ugh.
On the parent aspect of it – I give up. I wish they could put their son’s needs first. I don’t know why I expected they would. They didn’t while he was in utero or the first almost 3 years of his life. Why would they now? Dad’s gone. Long gone. I think his last visit was early January or late December. He just can’t kick his addiction. He can’t accept the fact his baby mama doesn’t want to be with him. This guy has potential – he was the primary parent when they had him – but he just can’t do it. It’s heartbreaking. Meanwhile, on paper mom is doing everything she’s supposed to do. Great, right? Nah, not really. Because I can see what she’s doing behind the scenes. She can make you think she’s great. She puts on a great display. Yet, she is continuing to make poor choices. Nearly two weeks ago we were discussing moving towards unsupervised visits. She honestly seemed to be doing decent. Then. Then she moved a guy in. That someone else met on the Greyhound Bus. She knew him for an hour before he stayed at her house. Then he left on the bus. No worries – She paid for him to return and after knowing of him for a week he moved in. Literally. Met this guy at work. Every gut feeling went off. So, being skeptical me – I ran a background check – His criminal history dates back 30 years, is long, filled with abusive behaviors, drugs, alcohol and is quite scary to stay the last. Armed Robbery. Assault with a Weapon. That’s how he started life at 17. Who knows what his sealed juvenile record looks like. He moved on to many counts of Domestic Violence (two on a “pregnant woman”), Larceny, Malicious Acts, Kidnapping, Attempted Sexual Assault. He’s got an active warrant for his arrest. I contact Michigan – Sadly, the terms of many of his charges are over and the probation violations aren’t enough to extradite. Great. So, I confronted her – She knows about it all. It’s fine. His ex’s (all 3 of the victims) were crazy. It won’t happen to her. He’s not really like that. It was them, not him. *sigh* Imagine that.
Well, I’m a mandated reporter and quite honestly this sweet boy’s needs and safety come far before making mom upset. So, I did what I had to – Contacted CASA, contacted our case worker. Told them it all. Shared his violent history and list of criminal charges. Demonstrated the pattern of abuse he’s had (OVER 30 YEARS). Left the ball in their court but at least I know I did my due diligence. No, I don’t believe mom can keep this child safe. I don’t feel she’s at a point she can put his needs above her own. I don’t feel she makes choices that are safe or healthy for her son. She’s stuck in codependency, she’s stuck in this cycle of abuse. She’s, again, chosen a man over her child. Thankfully, I learned all this before court this week and shared it. I’ve learned it was brought up and discussed. Of course, nobody had any idea as she hasn’t told a soul that needed to know (like case worker, treatment court, probation, etc.). Part of her treatment plan is not having violent offenders, felons or people currently on probation in her life. She fails all of this. Neither parent showed up for court. The case worker is assuming her attorney called her after the fact and asked her WTF she was thinking. Because now, mom is not speaking to me. Even when we work together. She just is silent and glares. Fine, I don’t care, you wanted me to step up and take your kid. You deal with me advocating for said child and speaking up when it’s a safety concern. Your choice. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. We will see what tomorrow brings when she’s stuck opening with me. I would assume this was brought up in Treatment Court too as it’s the same Judge who is likely not impressed. I’m good not talking. I don’t care. My only priority is this child I’ve been given the task of caring for and loving. Does reporting this mean I’m keeping M longer? Yes, I’m sure. Once upon a time, I was anxious and ready for him to go home. I’ve quit caring, I’ve learned to just enjoy having him and to wait for the day Grandma can have custody. Because Mom… Mom is never going to change at this rate.
Completing IVF while fostering a special needs 3 year old. Is…. rough. We’ve basically just continued our break. The clinic we use is raising their prices on 3/1. So, we did pay for the next cycle to lock in the price. I guess that’s means we’re dedicated to one more retrieval. I need to resume the 90 day priming protocol and be ready to retrieve in May. It’s just – complicated. Emotionally I’m just not there right now. And the expenses – UGH. We’ll have enough to pay this round in cash too. It’s just frustrating. How complicated it is to get pregnant while everyone that doesn’t deserve or need a child or chooses to neglect their child just keeps getting knocked up. It is what it is. I need to call the pharmacy when I finish this case note and get my next bottle of meds shipped out. We’ve got to do May as some of the other expensive meds expire in May.
My mom – she’s still alive. I’ve heard nothing more of her pending death date. Google said you have 3 months live after being diagnosed with brain cancer. She’d have one month left. With how good she appears I’m guessing it wasn’t brain cancer but something else. I’d of heard about it if she was truly dying. Fun trick. Thanks for messing with my kids’ heads.
I’m tired. I’m over writing. That’s enough for this moment.