No sleep = No nightmares.

You can’t have nightmares if you don’t sleep.  Problem solved.

Really though, not sleeping is NOT my goal.  Ugh, I’m so freaking tired today.  Like want to nap on my office floor and I still have to go wait tables tonight.  It’s going to be a LONG few days until the weekend.

M went down at 7:30 p.m.  Yay!  I was so excited.  I went to bed at the same time and planned to sleep but got sucked into watching American Horror Story – I had no idea I was a couple seasons behind when I was looking for something random to watch and boom, many episodes later it was 10:00 p.m. and I realized I needed to go to sleep.  That was short lived though.  Very short lived.

10:30 p.m. M was crying and awake.  Not his normal, lets party cry, but his nightmare cry.  Of course, because he had a visit earlier in the day.  Normal.  Tried to get him to relax and chill.  Took forever.  He cried every time I left the room.  So I grabbed my blanket and figured I’d just sleep with him.  As I was desperate for sleep.  He started to calm down and appeared to be dozing off.  Great, right?  Ha.  Negative.  The next thing I know he’s laughing.  Like it’s hilarious I’m in bed with him.  Lay him back down.  Roll over.  More laughing.  I doze off.  Then jumping like a crazy person.  I know where this leads – To a party fest.  So, I lay him down and go to bed.  Text Max if he’s still up when he gets off work to lay him down again.  (He was on call at the hospital and just kept getting calls.)

I listen to him bounce around as I doze off.  I know at this point it’s pointless to get him to sleep.  He’s going to continue until he’s done.  Back up and lay him down again.  Repeat.  Over and over all night.  Max ended up being called out all night basically.  M barely slept at all.  It’s like having a damn newborn sometimes.  Now Max gets to hang out with M all day with little sleep also as daycare is closed this week.  At least he’ll get a good nap.

This is a fairly normal occurrence on days we have visits.  When we have no visits he sleeps great.  If there is a visit he doesn’t sleep and wakes up in the night to bounce around.  It’s more common after dad visits.  I always wonder if dad is somehow passing substances through his skin to the kid, or sweat or just on his clothes/items he brings.  Or if the kid is just used to not sleeping with dad and it triggers this memory of not needing to sleep and being awake all night.  I have no idea but it’s exhausting.

Mom made a comment yesterday – She told me she’s done everything to get him back soon and her house is ready for inspection again.  I replied that’s great, as it is.  But again, pointed out dad is NOT doing anything and the biggest barrier in getting her child home is dad.  She then tells me she knows this but she’s working her treatment plan as required.  Then she tells me the treatment plan says only one of them has to do the work and that person gets the kid back, can live with the non-compliant one and just not leave the kid alone with that person until the case is dismissed.  Then they can carry on.  FOR REAL?  I struggle to believe this is real.  I asked how she’d not leave them alone – Well she works days, kids in daycare, then he works evenings (when he shows up for work) so they won’t be alone.  Ummm, okay, but you work at 5:30 a.m. and daycare doesn’t open until 8:00 a.m.?  So what will you do for that?  And daycare is closed Saturday/Sunday and you work both those days?  What will you do for that?  Because you nobody will want to babysit in the home if dad is there.  And personally, I won’t take him into my home if she’s living with dad – as A. he’ll have so many issues and is so hard to handle with the behaviors after being around dad that much and B. I’m not enabling this situation.  If she was single, alone and truly needed the help I’d absolutely help out.  But I’m NOT doing it if she’s planning to expose the kid to the same shit.  And really – She has no other options that can take him for full weekends, etc.  So, this isn’t even an ideal option if CPS allows it.

I’ve texted our worker to ask if this is accurate.  I really don’t believe it is, but if it is they need to be made aware of the barriers she will face if she would be given him back while dad is in the home and not doing anything.  Still waiting for a response.  I fully support reunification, I fully want him to return home… But, only in a safe home and better environment than he left.  Not the same one.  I cannot and will not ever support that.

So, now we just wait…  And pray that we sleep.  Gosh, I need sleep.  We’ve got a visit again today though.  So I probably won’t sleep again until like Friday night at this rate.  At least it’s a long weekend and we’ve got zero New Years Even plans to date.

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