Who Knew This Would Hit Me As Hard As It Has?

Hello to all of my lovely readers…if there are any of you left. I know I have been such a poor diary keeper. Look at this, it’s already 2011…and I wrote maybe a handful of entries last year. I’m hoping this year I can curb that. So much happens in the day that OD isn’t at the top of my priority list.

Manda’s Priority List

Kids

Husband

School for both myself and Owen

All things to do with the house

SLEEP

OD

I think you get the point. It’s so much easier to be on Facebook to let people know what’s going on. It doesn’t take much thought. However, there are some things that are not “special” enough to be on there. Like what I have to say about something I read, but first things first.

Owen is doing well in school. His speech is improving so much. This was his first week back to school from being off for a week and a half for Christmas break. He’s been sick for quite some time now. He first started getting sick around Halloween time. I figured that with the changing seasons that it was inevitable. However, I wasn’t ready for it to last for months and months. He’d be ok one day and just down right miserable sick the next day. Between Thanksgiving to Christmas I took him to the doctors 6, yeah you read right, 6 times. They kept saying it was a viral thing. He had fevers, cough, runny nose, couldn’t sleep, and they gave him nothing. I was doing everything I could do here with the vapors, and the Mucinex, but it just didn’t seem to work. Finally, a few days after Christmas, I told them something has
to happen. He has had fevers for days and I don’t know what to do anymore. Come to find out he had ear infections in both ears. They put his on Clindymicin[?], which stinks by the way, and so far so good. He made it a whole week without looking or acting sick and he can sleep. We go for a recheck on Monday.

Riley is doing good as well. She also ended up having ear infections too. It’s just been a house full of sickness. Her and I work on her talking. We draw pictures and I’ll point to one and she’ll tell me what it is. She can zip her coat…sometimes. Sometimes she gets so frustrated and just throws a fit. She loves to dance and sing to anything Victoria Justice sings or Big Time Rush. Nickelodeon runs almost 24/7 at my house.

I’m on break from school. First semester went FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! My grades were amazing. For English I got an A, Accounting a B, Math a B+, and for Computer an A-. My grades ended up giving me a GPA of a 3.462. The Dean’s List is 3.5. I was [and still am] so annoyed by that. I was right there and missed by a speck. It’s ok, next semester…which starts January 24. Even though I did really well this semester, I still remain on accedemic probation due to the fact the prior times I attended school I either quit or failed 90% of my classes. Not happy about that, but I’ll live.

Pat is good too. Working a lot. Until I go back to school he’s working 2 12 hour shifts a week. They don’t have people to train the same level worker as Pat on A shift, so my husband, being the ass kisser that he is [hehe] volunteered himself. It’s alright, can always use overtime money!!

Now the big reason why I am writing tonight. I logged on Facebook this morning and while I was reading everyone’s statuses I seen Pete had updated his marital status. He updated it to MARRIED…to my replacement. [Her name is Leslie, but until the day I die she’ll always be my replacement. She had something I couldn’t give him…kids.] I know I’m married and all that happiness, but when I seen that I wanted to bust out crying. The guy who was my first deep meaningful love, is married? The guy who swore up and down marriage wasn’t for him, is married? And to her?! Yes, I harbor a lot of hatred towards this girl. Why, not too sure. I should have the hatred for him seeing he chose to throw “us” away for her all because she had a pre-made family. I would have done anything to have kids with him [not at that point in my life mind you], but I would have done anything and everything in my power to make that a reality. Regardless if he’s sterile. Know that that is the reason why he went to her just makes me see read and like I’m just spinning and I can’t stop. Speaking of her kids, he adopted them…all 3 of them. Or in the process of? Not sure. It’s one or the other. I guess Leslie’s FIRST husband was a real winner. I left him a comment on the update today. Instead of coming up something stupid or something I’d regret later, all I put was a ?. You all know what he meant to me, and still does. Am I truly over him, hell no. If I was, seeing him married wouldn’t phase me in the least. But it does, and in return, I’m not over him…and I’m married. I know that hurt him when he found out I was getting married, but I didn’t want to be the go between when he and Leslie were having issues. So many times I wanted to run to him what he wanted me to be there with him, but it was when, like I said, he and Leslie were on the outs. I REFUSED to be a rebound.

So all of this has been mulling around in my head all day. Cleaning the house took my mind off of it, but when I logged onto Facebook again, all the feels came flooding back like a tidal wave. I felt like that mens razor commercial when instead of the guys getting his in the face by whatever object the object turns into water, but instead of a smile, I felt like I was drowning. That’s why I came back today. I had to get this out of my head. Keeping it in my head will only make me feel worse. God, why am I so pathetic to let this effect me so much? Clearly he’s moved on…why am I on this uneven plateau with one foot on one side and the other on the other side?

*deep breath* Well now that that is out, I’m going to leave you now…but only for a little while. OH, before I forget, my new picture on the left is the most current of the twins. Toodles.

♥ Amanda

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Amanda Keyser