Oh the days they beat me dry

I don’t ask my body why

She remains sullen and silent

There once was a time when I had energy

Now I dread daylight

Now I dread space and time and all the things I craved.

Frustration seems to be all I know now.

Frustrated at a knot, a game of chess, a chicken breast.

There’s no delight.

And my mind knows that

Once she knows she is insufferable

‘This moment was just like the last moment. Unsatisfying’

I have had terror and terrible darkness.

I have had acres of inertia. Disappointments, humiliations.

I can hear your voice. you are close to me and that’s all I need to know.

I will pray to sleep this year off tonight and start again tomorrow