Victim of history
Tried to write about stigma. Wrote as much as I can manage.
It is so hard living in this current age and living alongside a mental health system that has such a long time before it catches up with what is good for the people living ‘under’ it. Coming out of psychosis I went through a lot of different stages where I would see the world in terms of particular themes running through history, social set-ups and constructs.
it’s hard to get my head around our current age without resorting to the word patriarchal which, while it may be an accurate descriptor is also politically loaded in the minds of many and encourages judgement of those who use it.
I think what is most glaringly obvious when diagnosed with a severe mental illness is two things, firstly the universal role of trauma in this ‘mysterious’ concept known as schizophrenia and secondly a lack of compassion that is born out of that lack of awareness and understanding that makes society feel quite cold and callous to the suffer/survivor. It doesn’t feel freeing to have received this diagnosis it feels isolating and to some expert humiliating. It’s a real burden as there is there is so much ‘stigma.’ Which is really just animal ignorance as expressed towards this misunderstood condition within a social system.
I think it’s really that one has gone outside of the bounds of what most ‘normal’ people understand and so that the humanity of that person’s story is not readily responded to with empathy. It’s incredibly hard to live without empathy.
Another aspect is respect: mentally ill people are not traditionally respected by society, they have even experienced considerable abuse and persecution as a minority group. Many mentally ill people are weakened by trauma and that sometimes is mistaken as the illness itself.
there is a widespread lack of awareness and adequate response to this extent of trauma. The response to major traumatic disintegration of the mind is, I repeat, inadequate.
there seems to be the kind of unjust stigmatisation that saw cancer patients rejected from society in the last century. For some reason, the ‘illness’ aspect of mental illness survivors is not properly understood by society and they become the scapegoats for some of society’s darker, less humane personal judgements.
it is completely impossible to live like this as I am finding. It is completely impossible to live with this level of judgement, misunderstanding and misery every day. Like many, I am fuelled by a belief in the hope of the future, at least the hope that I will get better at articulating myself with every year that goes by and find my way out of this cage of oppression that seems to surround me.
I have a belief in the future and I would respect myself for carrying on.
I hope that some day I will find that ability to make meaningful art out of the hell i’m currently living in and lend my voice to a conversation that desperately needs to be had.
I pray for courage.