anxiety fueled


💚 Anxiety is becoming more and more of an issue: I avoided going into work today for a support meeting to discuss a phased return.
I will rearrange it for Thursday tomorrow… I’ll do better or well I have to do better, (I’m also not supposed to be so harsh on myself either)

Doctor came on Friday. she didn’t alter my medication wanted someone involved in my longer term care to since im still in with their crisis team.  idk. Nothing is changing.
Went to a friends on Saturday  It was Okay but exhausting I went out with them on the night time to someones birthday it sucked that his equipment broke so he couldn’t DJ, Tried not to be crazy. Kinda failed kinda succeeded. Realized it doesn’t matter any more I tried to kill myself shit doesn’t get much worse than that.
(but it can).
So I don’t care fuck the rules. the fuck what I’m supposed to be like. I will do and be whatever the fuck I can for my greater good.
(and we’ll burn in that pyre, when someone lights the tinder)

Sunday ofc was the opposite I tried to please my mum. She came over after inviting herself. The MH nurse was supposed to arrive b4 she got here but didn’t. I had to cancel that appointment she thinks all I need is exercise and I’ll be better. She doesn’t understand and my words don’t reach her.

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