#anxiety

The thoughts that run through my head They are sometimes negative. They are mostly positive now Then the doubt creeps in, XYZ person doesn't like you. That message went unanswered because they hate you. They refuse your help or kindness because your useless. I feel these doubts, I push down and s...

In this moment I can feel a void - it’s like stomach butterflies but it’s in my heart. My mind is desperately darting around for a fix- a nummy food, a juicy text, any hit of dopamine please... but I choose to refrain. This too shall pass. Is this because of my current life situation?…

I am excited to be writing here on OpenDiary again, though the impetus is somewhat unfocused. I do miss the solidarity of the OD community (circa the early 2000s), but the writing and the reflection that journaling requires is sometimes an emotional terrain that is hard to wade through. I have be...

I need to get off my ass. I have been so lazy in the last few weeks that even Fitbit has commented. I need to move. It took me 2 hours of Facebook scrolling and complete dread of touching the floor to even get out of bed this morning. I wasn't hungry, I have been…

I recently wrote about grief, and the last few months have slowly brought me to a life of extreme anxiety and depression. I spent months, up all night after work wondering if I was going to die out of no where, what I would do if I lost someone else, and basically swimming in my…

So Im sitting at work and it's frustrating because a lot of the transportation's that are being requested are regular people. So I hate bugging them with basic information they already knew/know. So sometimes I won't ask them for it but thats when I get screwed because then we wont have their inf...

I’ve been struggling so badly with anxiety for the last couple of days. I’ve no idea why it comes and goes like it does. I’m fine for weeks at a time, and then BAM! It’s back with a vengeance and I start having heart palpitations randomly basically all day long for days at a time.…

When I signed up using my email address it was for my other, private diary. I even have the email with the diary name, so I know for a fact it was my other diary, but somehow my main diary wound up connected to it. I have no idea how, but I'm glad. My other…

I am exhausted today.  Like, nodding off at my desk exhausted.  It doesn't help that our internal computer systems are down and I can't do any of the work I actually NEED to do, so I'm sitting here wasting time in this diary instead.  At least this will keep my eyes open for 5 minutes.…

So… I think it’s actually working. Either that or I’m so ill with this respiratory infection that I’ve become delirious. I’ve decided to let go of the idea that I’ll ever be the person I was again. I’ve packed her up and filed her away. Until I let go of her, and the past, I…