#anxiety

At the request of my husband, my sister, my friends, some of my coworkers, and even an old family friend from my childhood, I have started therapy again. Therapy has been one of the best things in my life to turn it around. It's also super anxiety-inducing for me to meet a new therapist. I'm…

I’m not sure why, but I find myself not being able to look directly outside through the window. It’s blue and grey, and quite gorgeous as the world wakes up. I’ve been awake since 5:12 a.m. myself. I’m reading a book I don’t remember the name of, but it inspires me to type out my…

I just hopped on Google to search "Chelsea's Open Diary" because I wanted to see if someone already had claimed that name for their website, as it is one I have been toying with. I hit search and Google did it's little technological dance and filled my screen with results. The first result was "C...

Being upset is one thing, being anxious is one thing. But when you realize nothing has been exciting you for days in a row, that the weight in your chest is only gettig worse, and that not even getting hobby work done is enough to lift it off, you're like: Oh no, not this shit…

I feel like I should write something on here since I’ve been paying for this site, but it’s honestly very intimidating. I’ve had a botched life that’d be ripe to be judged lol There are all kinds of situations out there though.. Spending over 3 decades living with selective mutism, agoraphobia, s...

I hate coming home. It’s a Friday evening - a beautiful evening - and I’m drinking. I’ve been scheduled in work all week next week, which I’m happy about. It’s an escape. I see friends. I forget. But for now, I’m drinking. I hate when I do this. It fucks up my running and that’s…

I can feel myself slowly healing for the first time in a long while. Ever so slowly, it's like pieces of me that I didn't realize were damaged have started coming back to life. I am suddenly very aware that there is a gaping, open wound in my soul. The edges have begun the process…

Armour, Thursday, June 11th, 2020 My mind is always racing at a pace in which I often cannot control. These ideas that I have are so easy to believe and obsess over because why wouldn't I believe my own mind even if believing in it means allowing a rock pathway for darkness to make a…

I'm a runner. It's what I have always done. I'm trying to break the habit, and have made considerable baby steps, but it still remains my first instinct when faced with conflict. It's got to be stopped. If I was a meme, it'd be a photo of me, with captions above it that read: "If…

10 years later plus some  So I’ve finally reclaimed my diary from over 10 years ago. Reading back on my entries, I’m surprised at how articulate I was even though my body was starving. Yet here I am over 10 years later and I am still not ok. I replaced my eating disorder with alcohol,…