rebooting me

Sometimes we all need a reboot I want to reboot this blog, its not you know free and not completely personalisable like my own word press instance would be, but I’m too nervous to actually put that on the internet and I messed up SSL like half a year ago or something, so I’ll stick with this for now.

Yesterday I realized that perhaps I haven’t been quite as stagnant as I thought I was being, that I have made progress over the past 10 years I got my nipples pieced, even 5 years ago I would of been too terrified to do so, but I did it and I was OK I wasn’t too terrified of the person since I’ve been to that pincers before and she isn’t scary. The actual piecing it self was easy (fun) I was totally high from it the rest of the day.

 the reason for this was definatly not  encouraged by some random guy on the interweb,  I have wanted this for a while.

I know the last two years have been a lil bit of mess, but yea one of the things my therapist said was that I had to admit how hard things have been sometimes and they have been hard to keep breathing, even my mum begrudgingly admitted it when I saw her, (have I known her to lie? its good that i have to ask that question I feel).
I know ive again made a mess of friendships as I do…. I’m really worried right now that I was uninvited to someones birthday thing this weekend… I’m not really sure what I did either… which is making me more worried after the Muddied Glass incident(fyi decided this should be a codename)… I shouldn’t take it personally I understand people not wanting to be around me, hell I don’t want to be   

But breathe. some progress has been made, I went to therapy, I went to psychiatrist got told i got BPD (grr I wanted them to sort out my medication which they didn’t) but both therapy and that meeting gave me a map, pointers to why the Muddied Glass and many other similar happened and I can address this I should never of put everything in the Glass, It still hurts that I did this, and the consequence will hurt probably for another  decade but if I can stop it happening with anyone else again then I should try.
I need to be/do better, but I’m trying and I have made progress over the first decade as an adult (through don’t talk to me about the vagueness of the term “adult” and how people put too much emphasis on it drives me mad).

Tomorrow I have an eye test at 9:20 in a town on the way/cycle to work. I lost my glasses who knows how long ago Its about time I correct this.  do not oversleep ok Kat

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