How to Save Your Wedding Reception
I don’t even want to guess at the number of weddings and receptions I’ve attended over the past 15 years. We’ll just leave it at “a shitload.” More than enough. With each passing wedding, I become more and more cynical. Not because of that whole “I’ll never get married” thing. But because it seems like nowadays people just go through the motions.
I realize the wedding ceremony itself doesn’t leave a lot of room for flexibility. Unless you’re in Vegas, and Elvis is throwing the ol’ marriage vows to you via drive-through window, the basic premise is set in stone. I have no problem with that. Tradition, after all, has its place.
I’m referring specifically to what follows the ceremony. Everyone knows that it’s the reception that truly makes a wedding memorable. At least, for everyone other than the bride and groom. While we all love to gather together and witness our friend or family member partake in one of the most sacred covenants known to man, we’re all secretly looking at our watches, and counting the minutes until the after party begins.
Regardless of venue (be it the Ritz or the VFW Hall), regardless of the food (five course, or homemade buffet), and regardless of the alcohol (open bar, or no booze), the reception really has the potential to knock ‘em dead. But time and again, people place the success and/or failure of this event in the hands of the wrong person.
People, you need to fire your D.J.
Saturday night, this became painfully apparent. Mark, and Matty and Penny and Ryan and I were gathered just outside the doors to the reception hall. The drinks were flowing, and the meal was fantastic. Two of the three toasts were even fucking charming. But the goddamned DJ was doing her best to wreck the place. We were going on hour three of reception time, and the place was as dead as a doornail.
The pitiful thing was that the DJ is someone who I’ve seen perform before, and she’s among the better wedding DJs out there. But man, I’d seen her act at least five times, and I could almost call it out down to the song list. The same old thing. Loaded with the mandatory dances and tossing of items and electric of slides. Meanwhile the booze was starting to take hold, and people were secretly hoping for a little James Brown to wake things up!
I realize there are a handful of “traditions” that people want at their weddings. But you need to SPEED THEM UP, and SPACE THEM OUT. Sprinkle in a few of these must-haves while people are still eating. Or, preferably, while people are still in the parking lot. Otherwise, you’ll get an emcee who stacks couple’s first dance, father/daughter dance, mother/son dance, boquet toss, garter toss, cutting of the cake, dollar dance, chicken dance/electric slide/Macarena right on top of one another. And before you know it, you’ve only got an hour left to get asses shakin’ on the dance floor.
And the good music is rarely that good. With the exception of Kanye George-Bush-Hates-Black-People’s “Golddigger,” there wasn’t a single song played Saturday night that came out after 1991. You can work that angle, for example, if you’re playing a set that includes something charmingly chintzy like Neil Diamond (Sweet Caroline), Tom Jones (She’s a Lady), and Barry Manilow (Escape). But when it’s “Footloose” and… and… “You shook me all night long,” you see where I’m going.
I have toyed with the idea of providing wedding entertainment. I haven’t taken it much further, mainly due to the fact that it’s not all that lucrative. But if I were to DJ your wedding, here (in a nutshell) is what I would do:
- Prior to the wedding, I’d review music tastes with the bride/groom. Specifically, what genres they prefer, what songs they must hear, and what songs *cough“We Are Family”cough* they absolutely do NOT want to hear. I would check preferences on the aforementioned “traditional” crap, and gently suggest that at least some of them are cast by the wayside.
- I’d contact the parents and wedding party, and run through a short questionnaire to get funny stories/interesting facts/trivia about the bride and groom.
- I’d arrive early with my laptop, and portable hard drive (which is full of mp3s). I’d use the guidelines provided to me by the bride and groom to throw together a few sets (like the aforementioned, for example). I’d have a clipboard and pen available, and be prepared to take requests.
- As the guests start to roll in, I would hit them with the “eating” music. Some Frank Sinatra. Maybe some Dizzy Gillespie. Again, dictated by the bride/groom, but nothing too overpowering.
- As the meal starts to wind down (NOT after the meal is finished), I’ll sprinkle in as many of the “traditions,” as quickly as possible, so as not to lose tempo. Couple’s first dance, and maybe the toast.
- The music would become more danceable at this point. It would also be at this point that I’d use my “dirt sheet” to hit the crowd with multiple choice questions, and other “couple trivia.”
- More music.
- Throw the damned flowers. Quickly. And sprinkle in a little more humor.
- Music.
- Send off the bride and groom.
- Music.
<li class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in”>Cut the cake. Any particularly amusing anecdotes would be shared here, interview style, by the person who gave me the information.
People want to do three things at a reception: They want to eat, they want to mingle, and they want to dance. They won’t remember the centerpiece, or the party favors, or the flavor of the cake. They don’t remember the toast, or who caught the bouquet. But what they will remember is whether or not they had a good time. And yet, the simple premise always seems to come together as an afterthought.
All I’m saying is personalize it, keep things moving, and, in the immortal words of Barry White: Let the music play.
Ha. We didn’t have a wedding reception. 🙂 I win.
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When/if I get married (if Duck decides he wants to put up with me forever, hehe), I’ve always figured it would go: Bachlor/Bachlorette party three to four nights before (to let hangovers get better), short, short ceremony, big ass reception. The money would go into the party, not into the wedding itself.
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I’ll leave the reception to someone else… If I ever marry again, it’ll be me + guy, two witnesses and a ‘reception’ of my closest friends, none of whom will expect to hear music, as we’ll be on the lovely island of Hawaii. *smiles* So there. Hugs
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I was talked into ‘Celebration’ and ‘That’s What Friends Are For’, but refused ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’. You should have seen the panic in the DJ’s eyes when he realized he had to come up with something different.
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In all my years, I’ve managed to escape attending a wedding. After reading this, I feel lucky.
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I totally agree. Our DJ sucked.
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Having been invited to five weddings this year (and attending three) I can say that this ought to be required reading for engaged couples.
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As long as no Macarena or Chicken Dance is played I’m good.
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*hanging head in shame* we had a band.
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I completely agree with this. Yes. You win at planning receptions.
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Exactly. You’re hired.
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The only request I’ll make of a DJ is “Disco Duck”
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I think you just outlined a little side business there for yourself! I’d hire you. Be well,
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It sounds like you have a new vocation just wait for you. ;^) I had a live band at my wedding reception, and they ROCKED! 😀 Eric
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I always thought a karaoke wedding would be fun.
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you are quite passionate about this, huh? Is that the first time I’ve noticed a picture of you?
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I now have a new found respect for the DJ at my wedding. Even I danced, and I was the bride. He also catered to my cuban grandmother who wanted to hear some Miami Sounds Machine (and every one was dancing to that because her enthusiasm was infectious). But we only had two of the “standards” (chicken dance and macarana) and our dance first thing. Other than that it was mostly requests
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we had a morning wedding and thus a mid morning/afternoon reception … so we had a mp3 player and satellite radio. dj’s scare me.
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ryn: I keep all company files together, but there is more than one spreadsheet per file. make sense? But, I”m not familar enough to know how to set up some sort of code, if I even can, to change one block and have it change in another block.
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All those things you listed are what a DJ is SUPPOSED to do! If this one didn’t, she’s definitely not ‘one of the better wedding djs’… she sucks. And you forgot one thing on your list of three– the FOURTH thing people like to do at weddings is get totally sloshed and hook up with strangers. (is that fourth AND fifth?)
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I couldn’t get past the beginning of half-life one. I contracted, “…What am I supposed to do?” syndrome.
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And cigarettes are bad for you, Mr. Pot.
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agreed. –
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Damn, part of the reception is to get people having a good time. Not put them to sleep. lol. Aims
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I was just at the funnest/craziest wedding reception I had in my life. It was a comedy-variety show/rock concert/you-got-served-dance-off reception. I had a blast and so did everyone else. We told the groom we want to do it all over again next year. Just like it too. 🙂
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It was my friend’s wedding.. not mine. LOL. I should be so lucky…
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RYN: Yes, but you can also benchpress 1400 POUNDS. Or something like that. BTW, nice picture Daddy-O.
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hehe. the last wedding I went to, they kept playing 80’s rock songs about breakups. Like, catchy beat, but hella depressing lyrics that you don’t play at a wedding. hehe. RC? *blink* whoa!
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I totally agree with you about weddings, which is why I’m taking a few close friends, relatives on a beach side trip together. Either a luau on the beach or a Chinese restaurant for reception. I’d select the songs, only one that’s wedding-ish. I don’t even know the name but it goes “My first, my last, my everything.” It’s the only sappy love song that is actually cheerful to listen to.
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what about you? What would your ideal wedding be? What was the best and worst wedding you went to? My best was recent, the Persian one with the “Persian Cher” performing, big hotel, great food, Middle Eastern music is great to dance to. not too dragged out. Worst was the one serving cheetos and uncut watermelons at the rec-room which had no entertainment..AT ALL.
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I knew it! cool, thanks. Now I can get married haha. What is he mumbling in the song though? That’s the only part I don’t like, I guess women find it sexy.
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Good wedding DJ knock down 3 grand a month, GREAT ones can double that.
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ryn: Ok I changed phD to chemistry. But I thought phD was also another way of saying your personal body make up. Didn’t Secret deodorant always talk about that??
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ryn: thanks for the advice
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Good to read that you arestill kicking it my good man. Much respect.
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every wedding i’ve been to thus far, no one dances. and it’s kind of sad. I hope people dance at my wedding.. when/if.
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Wow. It’s like a resERECTION or something seeing you lit upon my faves.
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RYN – She’s a common little thing. Not worthy.
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I think you should…if for nothing but a little side change. I recently went to a wedding where there was a set like this: Bride-Dad dance, short video outlining how the couple met complete with reenactments, toasts, and then belly dancers. It was the best reception I ever went to, and you’re right- I’ll be damned if I can remember the centerpieces.
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Oh my god. This entry was amazing and hysterical. Officially, I love you. Seriously. That was fricking great. If I ever need a date to a wedding, will you go with me?
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Wow, Can I hire you as my DJ for my wedding in Auguest of 2006–dude you are right on about everything!!! I have to print this entry off and follow your advise if you can’t be my DJ
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This is the kind of shit that makes ME giggle like a motherf-cker. http://www.people.virginia.edu/~rof2p/InjuredBad.mov
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ryn: I’m not celebrating. In fact, the ‘office’ celebrated with cake and champagne today and I sat in my office and did not partake. Typical? Honey, there’s nothing typical about me.
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I will be working VERY closely with my dj. There will be no “Celebration” at my wedding. I promise you that.
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You’d make a really good wedding DJ. Maybe you should do it on the side. Any wedding DJ who plays Electric Slide should, I don’t really want to say shot, should maybe be killed humanely. I think.
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This is why I recommend elopement. Like I did.
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I’m getting married June 30. Can you be my DJ? If not, I think I’ll just take this and slap it in their face.
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I work as a DJ on the weekends, and our company actually pushes the very things you’re suggesting because no other DJ companies in the St. Louis area are doing those things. There are stats that say that before the wedding, brides- and grooms-to-be rank entertainment as ninth in importance when planning their day, but after the event is over, about 90% of those same poeple said they should ….
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… have ranked entertainment as number one in importance on the list. So many brides don’t understand — the wedding is for you, the reception is for your guests. I do everything I can to make sure everyone’s having a good time, and I actually get involved with the guests. Participation dances are many times only good if no one’s dancing to what everyone else is requesting ….
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One other thing I do is go TABLE-TO-TABLE during dinner to get requests from the guests. This helps me build a rapport with them and get a better idea of what people will dance to. If I hear 3 or 4 people say, “Oh, we’ll be fine with whatever you play,” it usually means they’ll only dance to slow tunes or audience participation-type dances. But that interaction really helps. +:-)>
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Oh yeah . . in case anyone’s interested, I work for Complete Music in St. Louis, MO, and we go ALL OVER THE PLACE. zackattacktravel@hotmail.com if you want any information. +:-)>
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LOL OMG IT’S TRUE! and the last dj i heard played nothing but southern rock. WTF?
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Caught you on RC I was at a wedding in the summer and the DJ was surprisingly good a good variety of new and old was played:)Only one song cleared the dance floor and it was requested
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Wedding DJs all suck major donkey. I think they’re reject DJs – no bars or radio stations would employ them so they turned their hands to weddings. Have you seen Love Actually? They have an amusingly bad wedding DJ in that.
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yeah, my dj almost shit a brick when we requested Dr.Hook’s “Years From Now” as our couple’s dance….hee hee. we had to provide HIM with the CD. But he did pretty good.
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I don’t even have to tell you what my wedding playlist will be like. We are of one mind, grasshopper – though I would insist on John Coltrane during the cocktails – either “A Love Supreme” or “My Favorite Things”. I’m on a JC roll lately, he’s so magic. By the way – I love you for lots of reasons, including marathon runners with my name in their pockets. You rule! xo!! As ever,
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You’re hired!! Erm … when and if I ever walk down the aisle (again). Edina a.k.a
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