It’s exhausting to be reliable, responsible & competent
At the end of the day, I am fine, I am okay
I just wish to express here that I am getting tired of always being the one to rely to. Since I was young, expectations were super high. I do meet them most of the time but recently, I just wish to disappear from everywhere but at the same time I don’t want to die – this is the most obvious escape for everyone who feels the same.
It’s just that, at work, I am the competent one, the one who get the difficult tasks. At home, I am the finance manager at home! I manage pretty much everything here including taking care of the pets. When we go on a vacation which is extremely rare, it’s all on me again!
I wish that if the parallel universe is real, that I have a person there who takes care of me the way I take care of people here. It’s exhausting to always be the one who’s matured. You almost can’t rest because everywhere you go, you’re the bright one, you’re the reliable one — sometimes I just wish to be dumb, unproductive, unreliable who could only help with the small things (and in return, people won’t expect or demand much) — been trying to practice this at some parts of my life now.
*hugs* At least you are accountable?
@cemeterydawn yes, but kind of tiring sometimes… *hugs*
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I hear you and have had the same expectations thrust on me my entire life. Oh how I would have liked to have someone else arrange a complete vacation, or cook me dinner, or start paying the bills or, when the kids were younger, coordinate their schedules and activities. I now live alone and I only have to be responsible for me and it is so lovely.
@elkay I know.. only if someone would act like us for a second. Glad to hear you have your solitude now <3
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I understand the struggle: I live on my own, and not only am I responsible for myself, but also for my tenants, who live upstairs. I clean up their garbage when it goes astray, make sure the common areas are clean, and caring for a 125 year old house takes a lot of work.
I also work at a college where I do academic assistance for about a dozen students, some almost every day. They rely on me to usher them through a very difficult course which is required to stay in the college, and they’re very weak students to begin with.
Back in March, I needed to get away from it all and disappeared to a hotel for 4 days. It was glorious.
@ravdiablo 4 days, that sounds so peaceful! agree, we all deserve to take a break at one point
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OMG! I can totally relate to this,,,I am they very same way! I grew up always being the one who took care of everyone and everything. I was the one who reminded people when they had to do things…If something was to be done that I could not do myself I would have to “parent” to make sure they got done. I hope that one day you can just let go! I sometimes go to the local park near me and just scream and cry and throw rocks into the river. đŸ™‚
@beautfullybroken i know right like you’re the one tasked for everything. take a break when you can, well.. it’s a note for all of us! Alone time is needed nowadays
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