12/4/07

I find it odd to watch my kids; I can see them growing up in front of me. I see them understanding, learning, growing, changing – I see the amazing people that they are, and the many possibilities of who they could become.

I look at the world, and I get scared. Have we done enough, have I done enough, to help them, to give them the tools to survive in this world? Too many of them have already seen the darker side of reality, and I wish for them all to have so much better. They are all such good people, honest and open minded, they see the world as it could be – they can change this world, but I am worried of what the world will do to them.

My goals has been to challenge them, to try to get them to see this world, to think outside of the ‘town’ where they have grown up – have I failed them? I am sure they would believe my job is to teach them to read well, to write (nearly) perfect. I have never viewed it that way. To my, my job is to get them to think, to question and challenge everything, to be stubborn and strong individuals who stand up to everyone for what they truly believe in. People who hope, who know they can change this world and their lives. Have I done enough? Have I done anything?

Many would remind me “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink,” – but what if he doesn’t know how, if no one ever took the time to show him that he could?

I doubt the kids truly know how much I worry, not only about their ‘education,’ but about them. Even the ones who think I don’t like them – they can make me crazy, that is part of their job, but that does not mean that I don’t care about them.

If they knew of my fears of failing them, of letting them down, what would that accomplish in the long run?