Happy New Year

Another party at my house, lets not go into the fucked up parts, which there was quite a few of. Fun, stupidiy – hey, it’s a typical new years.

The best part, my brother’s “moment of clairty.” Each time there is a party, he has this one “moment of clairity” – a moment when the world is perfectly clear to him, he attains nirvania, walks with the ansestors, and can talk to whatever greater beings are out there. I must add, that a lot, and I mean A LOT of alochohol helps this. You would think that it’s nothing more than the rambelings of a drunk man, and sometimes they seem to be, but he really comes up with amazing insights, he just doens’t feel any reason to hold back when snockered.

His moment of clairty tonight, just about made me cry. He made everyone stop in the middle of the party to tell them I am going to publich a poem, and went off about my writing, how good I am – and the most importnat part – how proud he is of me. He had this whole tanget about me being an accomplished writier, teacher, person, and that even though things may not be as I planed, I am getting to where I want to be in life, and that he is so proud of what I have done, and that he always knew I would succeed. But to hear that he not only supports me, but beleives i me, has faith in me – I stoid there hugging him and hiding my face in his shoulder so everyone else couldn’t see me start to cry.

The clincher was when he said, “I love you Sissy Jam.” That’s what he called me when we were really little.

My brother is 6’5, 230 pounds, a harley machanic and welder, a beer guzzeling, chain smocker – Biker-Hick. This person stood in front of all of my friends and told them how proud he is of me and hugged me. No macho shit at all – just him being my brother.

Out of everything in the world I could have hoped for, having my brother who means the world to me, say what he did . . .

2005 started off right.