Letter 9 – Someone I wish I could meet

Dear Vince,

I missed my chance to know you. You are my dad’s birth father, you are family and I never knew you. You came into my life when my father was in his 50s, and I think it took a lot of courage and forgiveness on his part and I am glad you and he were able to get that chance to know eachother. I wish Charmaine and Grant would have done the same, but they had so many issues of their own.

In my case, I just didn’t know how to reach out. You came into my life right after Grandpa Ed, dad’s step-father and the only grandfather I knew, passed away. Within a matter of months dad made contact with you – and I was too young to understand. Personally, it scared the living hell out of me when you called and I spoke to you the first time – you sounded just like my grandpa Ed. I was still in mourning and could not deal. I kept my distance.

But you and Joan never forget one of my birthdays or holidays after that. You both sent me lovely cards for my high school and then my college graduation. I have thought of you often over the years, and have wanted to get to know you. But I was hesitant. I don’t really know why.

You passed away last year. I regret so much never having really known you, and now I feel guilty asking Joan anything. It seems I have possible found my father’s half-siblings on-line, my half-cousins, and I would like to reach out but don’t know the reception I would get. I don’t know if they even knew about your first mirage to Grandma Louise. I know Joan did, and she is such a wonderful Lady; a true lady. I am so glad she was part of your live and you found love with her.

I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could have really known you instead of just the vague stories I have heard over the years. Give me time, and I will draw up the courage to reach out to these people I believe are my family that I do know know. I lost my chance to know you, I don’t want to lose anymore.

Sincerely,
~J. L.