Nuggets

I’ve fallen out of the practice of writing. I just don’t write anymore. Part of it is I have reprogramed my brain to seek other forms of dopamine – which it doesn’t really get. It’s like the sad video of the kiwi-like bird that shows the effects of addiction. It’s a little video called Nuggets.

My brain is at the end of this. Writing helped, but in my head, I fucked up. I made a mistake and I feel I damaged something that was important to me and is now lost. That’s the way of life, growing up and letting go, owning up to mistakes, and learning from them. But what I am unable to do is forgive myself for my mistakes, no matter how much penance I essentially make myself do, I cannot let go and forgive myself and move forward.

And it all started with writing. It all started here.

With everything going on, with who I need to start healing and to be able to function, I need to write again for myself.

But I don’t know if I can anymore.