Stitches

“I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” Augusten Burroughs

When I do these Daily Calm meditations, I sit in my desk chair and lean back – between back and knee injuries this is easiest for me, and I don’t fall asleep… But it puts me at an angle that my dogs can climb on the arm of my chair, and look down on me. The little white dog did just that. I have lots of pictures of him, but none are very good as he never stops moving.

This is Ollie, an “Imo Inu.” He is am American Eskimo, Shiba Inu cross, which we only recently found out is a “designer dog breed.” We adopted him from a person my boyfriend know who breeds Alaskan Klee Kais and mini-huskies. He is all the energy of a full-sized husky in a small 30 lbs body.

He stood on the arm of my chair, looking down at me, and just kept smiling at me while I tried to meditate; sticking his tongue up my nose as I was practicing the breathing exercise.

My meditation practice is not perfect. My mind wonders, my dogs “help” me, I get distracted by listening to the quail outside my window talking, which is actually pretty cool.

I am not a perfect person, and oh how I am made up of flaws. I spent too much of my life trying to be perfect, and lost so much of myself along the way – perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect teacher, perfect person – and none of it was ever based off of who I actually am, but who I was “supposed” to be.

Taking into account my focus tarot card of the day as well, and I find that I need to let go of trying to be all things for everyone else. I need to be myself for myself – I need to just be. All else will follow from that.