Trust is bullshit

I don’t trust people. It’s that simple. I have been lied to too many times, manipulated too much. I do not trust easily. But it seems when I do, it fucking bites me. I was down to three people I trusted with everything, with all my secrets, with the truth, with my life. That is down to two. The one person I thought would never betray me has.

I would rather be shot through the heart than feel like this.

This is over something seemingly stupid. Using my computer and looking up the History of whatever pages I have been looking at. Small invasion of privacy right? Not so small to me. How the hell is that any different than spying? Than braking into a diary?

How did I find out? My brother told me he made mention of something I had been looking up. . . . . Yeah, it’s small. It’s not as bad as what Adam did to me – But I trusted him not go behind my back on things, to never spy on me.

I can’t tell if I am crying because I am hurt or angry.

Am I suppose to ignore this? Yeah right – it only opens the door to questions:
How else have you spied on me?
What else of mine that I keep private have you gone through?
How many times have you gone behind my back?

So what? Am I suppose to forgive and forget? Ignore this? It would not be this bad, I would not be this hurt if people in my life had been honest. If I had not been betrayed by EVERYONE ELSE in my life, I would feel differently. But my life is as it is, my past hasn’t changed overnight. I don’t trust people because everyone I have ever trusted, save three, had betrayed me . . .

I can’t say that anymore.