second entry day 5

I did about 5 loads of laundry. Wiped some counters down and ate again. I’d say that’s all wins. I still have about 5 loads left though. I don’t where I’ve been the last month. The haze.
I keep yawning. I think that’s another side effect of my meds. It’s cold here now. I think I’ll be awake all night again. I’m filled with energetic anxiety. It’s stemming from holding back from calling Deo. I’ve been reading up on stoicism. Quite interesting but I can’t get through much with it calling for me to apply some exercises. I need to find better reads. I’ve downloaded a few from Amazon but even that’s slowing down. I need to get busy but I can’t. My doorbell rang twice today. Who visits anyone these days. Both times I was surprised. I got a call today from an old boss. It was nice catching up. Got to talk my plan out with someone who has nothing to do with it. Makes it that much more real. I want to desperately leave this house. This state this country my obligations. I don’t care about any of it because wtp. I need to do homework that’s part of the new plan. I think I’ll dye my hair this weekend. Also need to shop for a salad that I’m making. Wtp of it all though. I’m tempted to open my fb. I went on ig today. Idky. I need to join a gym. Make a plan. I’m ready for my life to begin again but wtp. I hate everything right now.

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December 23, 2023

Keep going and yes start and make a plan. You have resilience within you and will come out the other side. I’m getting on in years now and I often look back and see that there was always a silver lining in some way or another. Keep writing and keep getting through everyday and you will find your way through. Happy Christmas to you x