Got much to do, much to manage

The pile of newspapers keeps growing every day.  I don’t have motivation to read ’cause there’s always something else to do.  Maybe I should cancel the daily and just keep the weekends when the papers are larger and they have coupons in ’em.  Eh, we’ll see.

Things are always more out-of-control at the end of the year.  Holidays suck the "free time" right away from me.  Add in all the planning that needs to be done (presents, special events, kids’ days off, family dinners, doctor appointments, etc.) and I just get crazy busy.

The kids are playing Wii games and making loud comments to each other as they play.  I wouldn’t mind so much if the wife was awake, but she’s asleep still.  I’m just waiting for her to wake up and yell at them.  It happens almost every time.  Then again, why is that MY problem?

My problem is everything…  managing the situations and trying to deal with them.  It’s not like I can just walk away or get out when I want to…  I’m stuck with things as they are.  Every year, I hope that things will get better, but they never do.  Then I wonder…  am I that much of an enabler?  Do I make things too easy for everyone else to take advantage of me?

I don’t want to sit here and be a dictator or a control freak, but I don’t want to have all of my time taken up by what everyone else wants me to do.

I start to write these types of entries all the time, but then I hit the CANCEL button and make it go away (at least from public view).  It’s not like anyone else cares until things get into crisis mode.  Do I let things get into crisis mode?  No.  Well, not usually.

So I have papers to read and food shopping to do and preparations for the work week to make…  typical Sunday.  Maybe the wife will get up by noon…  maybe by 1pm.  I can never tell.

I don’t know what time she came to bed ’cause I was asleep.  She was probably stoned too.  Whatever.  I’ll just keep ignoring her bad habits and hoping that she wakes up one day and decides to get clean, get fit, and get a clue that she needs some help to overcome her self-loathing and depression.  Meanwhile, she’ll just keep taking a pill or three and smoking pot and eating chocolate to self-medicate.

I’ve spoken up in the past, and it hasn’t changed anything.  In fact, my telling her the honest truth has probably just hurt her and made her pissed off at me.  She’s not going to forget the times that I told her that she was too fat or the times that I said I didn’t want sex anymore ’cause I wasn’t attracted to her anymore.  Yeah, can’t go back and erase those memories…  so it’s all up to her to do something about her situation.  I just hope it’s before she kills herself.  The kids need their mom around, even if it’s part-time like it is now.


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December 2, 2010

This is hard to read. Because I am married to someone who seems to want to self-destruct (only it’s bad food habits, not drugs). What do you do? Is there a time when you need to say, “I’ve had enough”?

“She’s not going to forget the times that I told her that she was too fat or the times that I said I didn’t want sex anymore ’cause I wasn’t attracted to her anymore.” Unbelievable .. you mean you said that stuff and now she doesn’t find you a supportive person? Very puzzling. Why, I imagine she would have even preferred to hear you ask “How can I help? What can we do to improvethings together.” Crazy, eh?