My first diagnosis when I was 15 was Tourette’s syndrome. I used to get into so much trouble from my step mom for sniffing too much. Not sniffing drugs but just having the sniffles. I was unaware I was even doing it but I would later learn it was due to Tourette’s and was worse when I was stressed. When I would come home from school, after finishing my chores, I would go to my room put on my headphones and bounce against the wall for hours with a pillow behind my back Of course to just zone out. I guess when I did that I’d sniff a lot and my stepmom would come in so angry as she thought I was doing it just to annoy her. I wasn’t. I was completely unaware I was even doing it. I saw my gp who gave my nasal spray which of course didn’t help. Eventually I was diagnosed and put on risperidone and that I do believe is where my eating disorder started. I was never overweight in my life before taking it but I gained over 40lbs after taking that and my eyesight which was always 20/20 before that started to deteriorate and I eventually needed glasses. I remained overweight for years but continued self harming. I enrolled in university and was going to major in psych. I got married and dropped out (that’s another story). I tried losing weight through exercise but just couldn’t shed the pounds. My dad would visit me and tell me to go to the gym. I was…everyday. Just wasn’t working. Anyways we had to keep a food journal for one of my classes, before I dropped out and from that day On is when I started restricting because I couldn’t stand to lie but also didn’t want people to analyze my food intake. After restricting for awhile, I saw that I could drop the pounds fairly quickly and from there the eating disorder took over. I didn’t go into it intending to have an eating disorder or get unhealthily skinny. I just started and spiralled from there. It gave me a sense of control in a world in which I felt so out of control and unheard. It was my silent cry begging for someone to finally hear my pain. This was my way to get people to visually see my struggle as I was unsuccessful every other way I attempted that.