5/14/2025 – Prom Thoughts

5/14/2025

(11 more days till my 18^th birthday❤️)

11:15

I’ve been thinking about going to prom this year. Yes, I’m not a senior yet; that’s next year. I SHOULD BE A SENIOR THIS YEAR IF I WAS NOT HELD BACK. anyways…

But I have a senior classmate who wants to go and wants to invite one of the younger grades. He invited two freshmen he’s gotten close with, but they can’t go. And I’m free, and I want to go. I want to be able to go, but I don’t want to get hurt again, Emmett.

I asked one of our mutual friends if he could find out you Emmett are going to prom. It went like this: “Hey Aastro, can you find out something for me?” He answered, “Sure.” I said, “You know Emmett, right?” He said, “Yes.” I replied, “Can you find out if he’s going to prom this year?” He said, “Oh, he is.” I was, “Oh…” And before I had to ask, he said, “He’s going with someone else, sorry.” I said, “Thanks.” And, of course, he is. He is so popular. Of course,  a girl has already asked him out, or even perhaps he asked her out. I don’t know. I just wish I could have thought of asking him when prom tickets went on sale. But now I’m stuck, debating: Do I go and see you so we can go to a dance, and I can see you one last time? Or do I not go and leave my heart from not getting broken, because I remember when I saw you at one of the dances this year, you had a date. Of course, it was actually the dance I had the nerve to ask you to. I remember precisely what I said. I said, “Emmett, would you want to go to the dance with me as friends…?” You said, “Sorry, I’m going with someone else.” And then, when the dance came around, I was having fun eating snacks from the snack table. Then, I was looking around and saw they had a homemade kiss cam where some girls were walking around looking for people who clearly came together. They found… well, you, Emmett, with your date. They said, “Do it!” You thought it was a normal, homemade cam sign, so you leaned in and took a picture. Then one of the girls pointed to the writing, showing the words “kiss cam.” You nodded and leaned in and well kissed her. I wanted to look away but couldn’t force myself to. I was inches away. I watched you kiss her cheek. I’m probably overreacting. After all, she was your date to the dance. And it was a simple kiss on the cheek. but I felt my heart breaking. I couldn’t stay there, so I got a juice and called my mom to pick me up.

So, do I risk seeing you kiss another girl, perhaps? Do I risk getting my heart ripped open again? Do I want to risk doing that to myself again? I don’t know. But perhaps I’m stronger now. But if you do kiss your date this time, if I decide to go, it will still hurt, but probably not as much. But this is the last dance! I don’t know what to do. Do I go? Do I not go? That is the question. As William Shakespeare once said, “To be or not to be, that is the question.  And now, here you are walking in the classroom we share. The bell has rang. I’m a slow packer. When the bell rings, I have my computer to put away, and then usually my metal water bottle falls. I have to pick it up. Now, you’re sitting in the seat next to me, didn’t notice anything. I’m covering the title of this Word document with one hand so you don’t see. If you did, I’m fucked. Now I’m finished, and as I guessed it, my metal water bottle fell to the ground. I picked it up. I’m looking at you, and you didn’t notice. I want to hold you, or even hug you, and cry in your strong buff arms and say, “Emmett, I will miss you.” But I’m not going to. And now I’m gone. I softly whispered “Bye, Emmett…” so quietly you didn’t hear it, but that’s the entry for today. I think that’s all. I just wanted to let it all out, or needed it let out

5/14/25

5:26 PM

Emmett, I didn’t fall in love with you because I wanted to. I didn’t *need* you. I think it’s because you made all the loud sounds in my head quiet. You made me *feel* seen. I was used to barely being noticed, but then I found you in the gym that day after school at track & field. One of my teacher’s aides told me she thought I would be well on the team, and I was also getting pretty close with one of the gym teachers.

To be continued…

 (Hey everyone! 👋 I’m Ari, and I’m a 17-year-old (almost 18!) girl sharing a little piece of my life. This is a peek into my daily struggle: unrequited love for my crush, Emmett. If you enjoyed this glimpse into my world, let me know! I have 31 pages filled with my adventures (and misadventures!) in loving Emmett, and I’d be happy to share more.

And now for a question for you all… I’m debating whether to go to prom. Any advice? Should I go? What do you think? Let me know in the comments)