I woke up this morning unloved. I tried to hold her and she told me to get off. I had less than an hour to be ready for work so I took my early shower and laid back down next to my girlfriend. Once again I tried to hold her in my arms, once again I was met with resistance. I tried talking to her and I got a few murmurs, so I got out of bed and started getting ready for work. Before I walk out the door I thought i’d give it one more try. I walked back to the bed room leaned over the bed and told her “I love you, I wish you felt better and I guess I’ll see you after while.” she responded with a “seriously, You’re going to leave me like this!” In my mind I’m thinking “like what?”
I send an email to work saying I’ll be in a little later. I talk to her and try to figure out what’s wrong. She keeps saying that I never ever tell her why I love her and I never make her a priority in my life. Now I’m kind of a dudes dude I mean I don’t under stand a lot of things with it come’s to young woman but back in my day women we’re happy with an “I love you” and a nice long back rub. I’m guessing these days you have to explain everything out such as a “why I love you” which makes no damn sense to me. also it’s not aloud to be common things it has to be a unique list of things that only apply to her… we yelled at each other for a couple hours. She yelled at me how hurt she was, and I yelled at her about how I didn’t understand any of what was happening.
Finally the magical words came out of my mouth “if I hurt you so much, maybe we shouldn’t be together any longer!” She immediately got quite and started packing her stuff and trying to bait me into begging her to stay. This morning I didn’t take the bait. I looked her in the eye and told her “I have to go to work now, I’ll see you later.” She Responded with a “no you won’t!” I said “okay” and walked out the door as tears streamed down her face.
Today has been a real trial. I love her but there are things that I hate about her. I’ve been thinking for a couple of weeks now “is she really someone I want to have in my life long term? do I really love her or do I just really care for her as a person as I would any other person in my life?” It hurts today… Time will tell me everything I need to know though. The only thing I really wonder about is if I’m being too cruel or if it’s something that has to happen to regain control of things… Either way I have my life back at the moment, even if things are a little sad…