Crazy Brain
I get the worst images in my head in a nanosecond and it’s so hard to deal with, especially on the days it’s really going. I am constantly saying “shut up head”, that’s the only way I’ve found that helps the most in dealing with it. I don’t watch the news and I don’t read anything about stories that have a lot of depressing things, that really gets my brain going. I pray for my loved ones safety constantly because I am always worried about that. But it’s even more than that, if I have to go uptown I’ll get images of being in an accident like someone running into my truck or however it might happen. One thing after another and it’s very tiring to deal with it, some days I’m just drained and can’t wait to shut my brain up and watch something that I can get involved in and just chill. Even the shows I watch are comfort shows, my favorite ones that I know the ending to, no bad surprises. The Mentalist, Elementary, Parenthood, Brothers and Sisters, to name a few.
My psychologist says I have one of the busiest brains she’s ever heard of and the fastest she knows of. What a thing to excel at huh? Leave it to me ha.
Today is turning out to be a bad day already, I usually go out on my deck to get fresh air and relax once an hour, it helps to pass my days and it helps me to be outside. But today is barely above zero, too cold for me and I don’t like to tempt my COPD to flare up either. I’ll end up watching a lot of tv, It’s the only thing that will give relief.
It’s my anxiety disorder that causes this, and of course the images raise my anxiety. I’m on a lot of mood stabilizers for my bipolar, anxiety and depression. Yesterday I had a good visit with my doctor and he lowered one of my meds to see if that would help the numb feeling I have all the time. There were four he figured were the culprit, one was my sleeping pill which I don’t want to quit so that’ll be a last resort, so he chose another one and we’ll see how that goes. I really like him and he knows his stuff, I can tell he is very smart and a nice guy to boot.
Yesterday I went to the coffee and cake party in the community room. I saw a lot of people I hadn’t seen around in awhile and that was fun. The music was good too so I had a good time, I’m glad I went.
Chels was going to come to lunch today but we had to postpone because she had too much work. I’m bummed we can’t go today and also we were supposed to get my new microwave. I am toying with the idea of just getting it on my own even though they are so dang heavy. It’s either that or I just hold my breath when I use it and hope it doesn’t stop on me. This getting old isn’t always fun but it’s better than the alternative so I try not to gripe about it too much.
Well I’m neither positive or inspiring today so I guess I’ll close. I just wanted to write something, I’d like to write every day if possible. I hope you have a great day!
Blessings,
Margie