hope

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with hope, i feel nauseated. that happened last month when i was sick though. but…a girl can hope! we’ll get sawyer a shirt with "big brother" or "i’m going to be a big brother" on it to wear for the family when we do get a positive.

hopes for a positive.

dennis seems pretty excited about baby #2. now that he realizes he wants another now, he’s right into it. we have to have sex every night to "get it done." lol. that’s how we got sawyer…we did it every night…errrr until dennis put his back out. then we were out of luck but it didn’t matter. we got pregnant with him in half a month. odd that this time it seems to be taking a bit longer. what if this isn’t the month either? our window is closing. if we conceive now, it’ll be mid August, which will be just fine. dennis goes away in november, so too much later than that will be tough. he won’t want to miss out but i won’t want him to go with a baby so young in the house and a toddler to boot.

i can’t wait for testing day to come. that’ll be right before our tree day with dennis’s family so that would work out well. sawyer could wear a toque or something with "big brother" in that case. get "grandma" to help him put it on at the car before heading out to get a tree. i wonder if she’d notice or not? she noticed his hat last night and all it had on it was "Toronto Maple Leafs" (dennis’s team is the Oilers.) it’s hard to say if my mom will notice; we shall see.

i’m a little worried about what my mom will think. she might think it’s too soon. her reaction to me feeling too hot (turned out i was sick) was "uh oh" and she didn’t seem like giggly "uh oh" or anything. i wonder if she’s worried i’ll turn out like my sister? poor and burnt out by my kids and husband?

i won’t, i’m sure. we don’t live like she does. not at all.

well, anyway, hopefully i’m mistaken and she’s happy.

i know we are…or will be.