Patterns in Life

In life we need to see patterns. Something bad happened to us so something good will happen because life has balance. We need this and search for it. Without finding some “reason” then we can’t find out how to “prevent”. We need to understand why something happened. I think this is why we have a belief in Karma which I am still not sure truly exists. We need these patterns in life to feel secure. Reality is, life is not made up of patterns and things are random, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people, there is no rhyme or reason for everything, things just are do and happens… I often feel lost and wonder where to go from “here”.

The day started out so good and life was going good and turning around and changing and then this. I got accused of writing a bad review on someone and they are taking it to such a crazy degree.Imagine if I had. Imagine if I HAD written an honest review or one I would like to write. There are so many questions to ask that prove this does not make sense but of course, people only see what htey want to. My Manager will ONLY see what she wants to and there will be no moving forward from this.

More and more I realize something I hadn’t before… my birth father and his Dad used to move around a lot. I feel the same sometimes. Something bad will happen like I will be bullied by a group of people and I will want to move or run away from it. I won’t know how to deal with it. I get fired and I want to move to where no one knows my name. Sometimes its even my fault. Maybe I said something wrong or rubbed someone the wrong way or we just simply didn’t get a long and I just want to run.

I also do this and I have come to find out that a lot of girls do this which makes e feel better – I reflect on the past and drive myself nuts! I was watching a movie today which reminded me of something from like 20 years, some small stupid little incident that I am sure I am the only human to remember it but it haunted me and I twitched with disgust and embarrassment. I have to remind myself that no one else remembers whatever particular thing has come to my mind, on one else cares about it or is concerned at all so why should I be? I need to “Let It Go”.

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December 18, 2019

I have things like that from years ago that will come back unbidden sometimes, and I always have to remind myself that if nobody else remembers it, it really does not matter in the grand scheme of my life. Look ahead, not back 🙂

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December 19, 2019

Yes, let it go.  Most people only care about themselves.