It’s been a while again…sigh. Must try harder.

So I feel restless. The next couple of years are going to bring quite a few changes. I was talking to my daughter, Lauren, about university. She needs to apply soon.  She is just about to start year 13 (her last year of A levels). She wants to go to Bristol Uni to study politics and sociology, which I am honestly so happy about. She needs 3 Bs which she should easily get.  She wants to move out of home into halls though which I will be sad about but I know its an important part of growing up. At least she will be local enough to come home regularly.  I just can’t believe she will be 18 in May. Where has the time gone?

Liam now has this social worker person called Chelsea.  She is meant to be helping him with his school anxiety. She has come to the house a couple of times so far and she seems really nice. I don’t know, I have my own hang ups about being judged a bad mother or something. She has not done or said anything to give me that impression, it’s just my own insecurities I guess. He says he is looking forward to going to school and starting afresh. I have everything crossed that he will be ok. I am super anxious and nervous about it though (Although I won’t show him that). He has not stepped foot in a classroom since September 2021. I will have to explain the whole situation in another post but yeah it has been a nightmare.

I feel like I should update on Joe too, but Joe is just Joe. He just gets on with it. He is starting year 11 next week so he really needs to knuckle down for his exams in the summer. He says he will. He should do well. He is not likely to get the sort of grades Lauren got (8s and 9s), but he should pass everything and do quite well. He is just as intelligent as Lauren but he can’t be bother to put as much effort in. As long as he gets what he needs for his next steps then I am happy.

The situation with mum is much the same. She is a nightmare to be honest.  She keeps calling the ambulances out. We are still waiting for her review to take place (7th Sept). My sister has decided to move in with her. She will sell her flat and clear her debts etc and just live with mum. There are a few reasons for this. Primarily, to enable mum to stay at home as long as possible. She really can’t continue to live alone. It just is not working.  Also, as my sister will turn 60 in December it makes sense that she be the one to move in.  If mum did go into a care home and mum and dad’s house was empty the government could make us sell it to pay for their care (£8000 a month for both of them). The money would go real fast. BUT! loophole…. if a relative aged 60 or over lives there then they can’t make us sell the house, even if mum ends up going into a home eventually anyway. So it is a win/win. My sister is a night owl anyway so the plan would be for her to sleep as much as she can in the day (when my brother is around) and be on call for mum during the night. Will see how it goes.

I am starting to think about my future too. I need to have a plan for when my kids all fly the nest (or become adults)….. its only 3.5 years until Liam turns 18. I love my job but its not particularly well paid so I need to start thinking about what I want to do. I have applied to do a degree through Open University (English Literature and Creative Writing). Now really is the time to do it. I have been having a nightmare with student finance not being able to reset my account (long story), so I have had to send them a letter. I am now just waiting to hear. I reallllllllly hope I can do it.  There is also a 6 week writing course starting in October up the road from me so I am definitely going to sign up for that. I have always wanted to write, it’s my dream and my passion so I am going to start taking it seriously.  The course is £120 for 6 weeks which is not bad but is still a lot when you are skint like I am. I am going to bite the bullet and do it though as it feels right. Hopefully I might learn some skills and meet some local, like minded people.

That’s it really for the moment. Life marches on. Summer is on the way out. I do love autumn to be honest so I am not that sad. Will try to be more consistent with writing…promise!

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August 29, 2022

My eldest is 14 and I find it hard to believe how fast the time has gone!