I’m home

I am officially back in Indiana. I will try to get my own place within 6 months. I need to live alone. I need time by myself. As happy as I am to be out of that terrible situation with S, I feel so depressed. I just can’t believe how things turned out. I will write it all out one of these days, but with reality setting in, I can’t stop crying. I have so many questions. Why was I so stupid for so long? Why did I allow him to hurt me? How could he do me like he did and say he loves me? How can he pretend to care? I’m glad he was nice enough to bring me back, and the trip was nice. We acted like friends, but I just can’t fathom why he could just let me go! Why he fell out of love with me when I did nothing wrong. I wasn’t perfect but I was good to him, and all he wanted was sex and money. He complained all the time and treated me like shit. I couldn’t even be myself around him anymore. He’s lied and disrespected me so many times.  He promised me his last name then took it back cause I couldn’t fulfill his needs. I’m gonna get off here, but maybe tomorrow. I’ll write more about the trip. I’m just so sad, I’m tired of crying. I should never have moved with him. I can’t take anymore heartache. I will just be alone. This hurts too damn bad.