Nojomo #20 Ten days to go
Yep, in exactly 10 days Nojomo will be over. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by, but so far I have been able to keep up. Though some of my entries weren’t very interesting, as I had no time to write a real one, I think for the most part I’ve done good to keep up. I prefer to write when I’m alone, I value my privacy. You don’t get that living with people and I don’t want anyone at my house reading what I write here. It’s better that they don’t know this place exists lol. I don’t even stay signed on, just to make sure prying eyes don’t accidentally see this lol. I’m taking a very quick break to write in here, as I am trying to figure out how to do this damn assignment for English class. We are working on essay #3 and it’s working a nerve more than the last one was. We read this essay, now we are to analyze it. We are to find the tone, and write about the author, as well as purpose and image or the message the writer is trying to convey. It’s not easy at all, especially when the story you’re reading makes no sense to you. I’ll be glad when I’m done with this class, but more stress is up ahead since I have to take another English class. thankfully it’s the last one, but damn if this one was a struggle, I’m scared to see the next one. It’s a different teacher, but still.
My mood is kind of jacked up, nothing major happened but I just don’t feel right. I don’t feel happy and I don’t feel content. I feel pissed for no reason. I think part of this is hormones, as my af is due today (or soon) so that could be it, but also thinking about how my life is, how i have lost trust for the one I gave my heart to (even tho they seem to be trying to do better I don’t trust it anymore), and how I can’t look at him the same anymore. I used to be able to look at him with admiration, now it’s more disgust. He pretends to be a good man, but I see stuff he doesn’t think I notice. To be honest, it doesn’t matter what he does now, I’ll never be able to look at him the same. I can’t talk to him, so I keep these thoughts to myself. Things have been good, and my mood has picked up a lot, considering, but I can’t let my guard down and that’s sad. I will continue to work towards my goal of saving up to take care of ME. I can barely find time to do anything, and I keep forgetting to put in more applications because I’ve been scrambling to finish my schoolwork and have it make sense and at least be worth a passing grade. It’ll be fine eventually, until then I’ll just keep praying for peace.
Work, I have to go there today. I have another evening shift, I hate those, but whatever. I’m glad to at least have this job, I just wish I liked working there. I wish my hours were more consistent and the pay was good. It’s hard to save money when you don’t make much to begin with. Anyway I will just deal with it and keep it moving. I don’t expect anything to change there either, same shady folks are in charge, and they like the ass kissers and snitches, and they can have them. I have a better plan in mind, and it doesn’t involve this shitty ass job in my future. I am looking forward to putting in my two week notice and being done with them. I doubt they’d hire me back, and I seriously doubt if I’d go back. They have been a big stress factor in my life as well as. So anyway, I gotta get back to this BS assignment so I can maybe get some more rest, eat, and enjoy having the house to myself before I have to go to work.