Not sure what …

… attacked my body yesterday, but man, it came out of nowhere.  I felt the troops marching in about 9:30 … three sneezes and a tickle in my throat … by 3:00 I was like, WTF??  I got home at 5:40, changed into my onesie, and collapsed.  I was swallowing razor blades and was so cold my teeth were chattering … WTF!!  I laid on the couch and pretended I was in battle … love the analogy of viruses dressed up in armour, and my body little soldiers standing strong with all their might to keep the virus from getting in deeper.  My ears ached and my body ached … and still, I could feel my little soldiers linking arms and grounding their feet, protecting me.  Maybe I was delusional with the fever … who knows … I really wanted a cup of Throat Coat tea, and it took every ounce of effort to get up and make one.  I chose to take Advil as well, and remembered a time when I wouldn’t put that into my body for no reason.  Within 30 mins, I felt relief, and my little soldiers advanced against the virus.  Sleep was strange … it felt like I was awake and asleep at the same time … I was hot and cold at the same time too.  Eventually I got up at 5:00, feeling not too bad, but by the time I got downstairs, I was exhausted.  My little soldiers were tired, so I turned on my little fireplace and curled up on the couch and slept for three hours BAM!  I woke with a slight headache and still feel weak, and my hands ache … but my little soldiers did it!  I love my body and how it works!!  Strength … hmmmmm …. there is Strength inside my body, that when needed, will protect me … smiling now … I’ve been waiting for a sign to move on to the next card, and this is it:)

I had cancelled my playdate with Nancy for today because I felt so terrible last night, freeing up my Wednesday to be sick, but now it’s more just a much needed recovery day.  I won’t be doing anything fast that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t mind tending to some housekeeping, as well as finishing up the PQ minutes … I might even get to some painting … and a nap for sure!  I had texted Danitra last night too, letting her know I was sick and might not be able to babysit tonight, but I feel well enough to go hang with Abigael and Henry for a few hours.

Then of course, there’s my F.R.O.G. sitting right beside me, almost taunting me … “you’re not gonna do anything more with me aren’t you?” … that’s my pattern … get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and then get close to figuring out what’s making me sick and tired, feeling better because I’m actually doing something about it, and then setting it to the side …. until the next time.  I’m not afraid of my “stuff” anymore, even when it hurts.  I talked with Dan the other night about how much I hate Father’s Day, and the last one was most revealing … why do I call my Dad on Father’s Day, when it hurts me so much??  Dan said, “ya, what are you trying to prove?”  Wow!! What AM I trying to prove??  That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do by calling him … proving something at My expense … I can’t and won’t do that anymore … I won’t hurt myself anymore by calling him!

This is progress, and something I can use in other areas of my life … There Is Strength Inside Me