For Eff’s Sake

Adult language ahead.

A letter to my partner:

I may not be the world’s best partner. I know this. I don’t claim to be. I don’t want to be. Really. But what I need from you right now is to understand that you are being a shitty partner. When you tell me that you trying hard to NOT sabotage my move to be with my son whom you wouldn’t allow to move in with us a year ago? Suck my dick. When you tell me this when I am trying to have a last weekend with my bestie? Suck my dick. I cannot.

I need you to stop using passive aggressive communication skills because that is not helping me to want to stay with you. I get it. You are hurt. I’ve been hurting for a f*cking year and you haven’t noticed. And if you have…it is best I don’t know if you have. Because then nothing could be salvaged of this. It is thread-bare as is.

We are heading toward territory that would mean that I don’t want to be around you anymore. Where I don’t want to be your partner ever again and I can’t tell you because YOU won’t hear what I need you to hear.

I need you to hear this but I can’t tell you this because of how you are not handling this whole thing. You don’t realize that you are destroying us. And I’m going to let you because realistically I am done.

I’ve been done. For a year now. And you’ve never noticed. How can you not see? Why would you want to hold on to something so desperately?

*I* don’t get it. I can’t get it because I have been that partner who noticed that my previous partner was not okay and left so they would be okay. I left someone who was unhappy so they could be happy. Because I saw.

For fuck’s sake, why can’t you see? Why won’t you see?