No meaning to life
If anyone reads this thank you i need to get it off my chest. Get what i am feeling off of my chest even though some days it feels impossible to, i want a safe space to vent and get advice because i have been going through some stuff. And it may not be as bad as other peoples but i am a teenage gender fluid person and through out my schooling even in grade 2 and all the way to the grade i have been in now i have been bullied and i hate it i have been bullied verbally in my old high school for being different and it only gets worse when I told someone i was getting bullied i got sent to guidance officers office to talk but the bully never gets sent there only you and i had to move for that reason and when. I came to my current high school i thought everything will be okay but it wasn’t it was okay from grade 7 but grade 8 is when it started turning down again. For context i left my old high school during grade 7 about term 2 or 3 it was hell all the teachers were weird one of them got a student pregnant which is crazy and in my current high school i got called a retard and bullied for being. Pansexual and for carrying plushies around and i am underweight so i would get bullied for not having meat on my bones and i would also get called a pig for eating to much food during school its like whatever i do it’s never enough and during school i get my food swiped and at home i feel like everything is falling apart and its my fault i am also not allowed to express myself at all because my parents wont let me and i hate it my mum married my step dad which i do not like him much but i cannot change what is happening i know my mum is in love with him so much but she hasn’t been paying attention to me and my siblings which is fine but when she figured i was harming she shamed me for it and she told my sister one time. My nudes got leaked on reddit and they are still up and that time i was manipulated into sending and they posted it on a subreddit for those types of things and no matter if i try to report or anything it will say its not breaking the reddit rules and to contact someone else or something but my groomer is an adult sharing pornography of a minor i feel like everything is breaking apart because of me since. I live in Australia i feel like i cannot be myself without getting judged because i am a scene kid but I’m also have low self esteem and confidence that i constantly worry about if anyone is judging me because of how I act or how i look which to be honest is unusual but at this thing i went to April fourth was schools out on the green where local or school bands played there i went with my friends i was in a black top, black and grey skirt and Mary Jane heels if i am correct my friends were in the moshing area and i was off to the side in front row thingy and I swear i saw 2 girls glaring at me like giving me a nasty look and during school one day i walked passed these 2 girls my age i think they were not talking to each other but when i walked passed after going to the bathroom they laughed i am unsure if it was at me or not but i know it wasn’t at anyone else since no one else was near im just sick of this i am sick of everything that is happening in my life