#mentalhealth

I am excited to be writing here on OpenDiary again, though the impetus is somewhat unfocused. I do miss the solidarity of the OD community (circa the early 2000s), but the writing and the reflection that journaling requires is sometimes an emotional terrain that is hard to wade through. I have be...

I don't know why I'm so anxious about medication and  my body. I'm somewhat educated on disease processes and symptoms of them. I keep lying down and feeling short of breath, I am so depressed that I honestly can only tell you I know that by my (non satisfiable) feeling. I continuously search for...

“Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.” ~Dr. Who When I tell someone about my illness for the first time it frequently elicits the following reaction: "YOU?  DEPRESSED?  You're always so bubbly and happy!!"   My response: "You don't see me during the depressive episodes whe...

“Are you a psychopath or a sociopath?” ~Title of recent Michael Savage podcast's interview with neuroscientist Dr. James Fallon When I heard Michael Savage (longtime radio personality who has multiple degrees and a doctorate in epidemiology - fascinating man) announce the title for a recent podca...

Ana and Mia continue to rise…I’m not complaining, they’re making me feel strong in some twisted sense. I know it’s not healthy, but nor is the extra weight that I’m carrying, so why not let them run riot and use it to my advantadge. There’s something so satisfying in being able to beat the hunger...

TRIGGER WARNING : This entry is full of graphic descriptions regarding Self Harm and Eating Disorders.     So...things have changed somewhat and I feel the need to do a whole big thing, like an op-ed to myself, and all of you about it. This academic year has been a complete mind-fuck; h...

Okay, first of all, I'm not talking about anything in the form of the middle of the grocery store just screaming to get one's way. I'm referring to a physical tantrum in order to exert the physical manifestation in our bodies from anger, frustration, stress, sadness, confusion, anxiety, etc. I'm ...

...my brain feels a bit at peace.  It's odd, having fought being put back on meds for so long.  It's the stigma, I think.  If you admit that you need help, that you may need medicine to start feeling 'normal' again or up to par, it could make you appear weak, unable to handle it,…

So… Sometimes you need to take a long hard look at yourself, but it’s not always your true reflection that stares back at you. I so rarely see myself when I look in the mirror that I often wonder if the dysmorphia stemmed the mental health issues, or did the mental health issues create the…

So… I think it’s actually working. Either that or I’m so ill with this respiratory infection that I’ve become delirious. I’ve decided to let go of the idea that I’ll ever be the person I was again. I’ve packed her up and filed her away. Until I let go of her, and the past, I…