#mentalhealth

thinking about how i feel is hard. i don’t really know what to write about anymore. so many things are wrong, that i’ve just gotten to the point of not even wanting to process it.. so i guess i haven’t been processing anything. i’m high every night. i don’t know why it feels so invalid…

The quietness of madness, of sorrow, of otherness. How it spirits you away to a place of silent tears and roaring shame, terror of the future. Is it madness to fear what lies under my medication? To know what’s on the other side? To wonder from time to time? I just want to sob into…

It’s hard to shine. Not because you don’t want to. Not because you weren’t inherently born for something beautifully unique yet mundane. Rather because you have been living in shadows for so long you have forgotten how to open your eyes. Dark corners and blurred edges line your life. And now cris...

I was a wreck on the day of my audition. It took me nearly four hours to get ready because I kept needing to hop in a warm tub bc my feet were as cold as ice. Martin (the acting coach) was very sweet and patient. Our initial meeting at 11:30am turned to 1pm then…

I never made it to the recording studio yet. Instead, I’ve been battling my addiction. Constantly I’ve been feeling cravings. I noticed my cravings come from frustration. But by having a clear mind, I am able to work through the problem quicker and more effectively. Sometimes I get frustrated tha...

I’m staying at my parents house for the third night in a row. I have a meeting for my next music video in the morning. I meet with this guy named Matt for the first time. I’m planning to go over the storyboard. Then I will be in the recording studio to finalize three songs…

2/17 Friday Why does everything feel so heavy? It's not even that deep. He's going away to make money, but he'll come back for me... Right? And when he's gone, I'll finally have my "Emily in Paris" moment that I've wanted for so long. Right? I could move, I could record music, I could grow.…

I have been pulling away from the world, from those I love and everyone. Nothing excites me, i feel empty. I need someone to talk to but there is no one. I am tired of living. #depression #mentalhealth

These last 4 months have been extremely tough on my heart and mental state. I have been suffering from cognitive dissonance. To those of you who don't know what cognitive dissonance means, it is basically having two thoughts that contradict each other and makes it difficult for you to come to a c...

Mental health office called again. Pushing me to find another doctor. It just reassures how I feel unwanted and too much of a "hassle" to deal with. Yesterday was his court date, I haven't heard back from the DA office on what happened. I can sit here and say I don't care but I do.…