#marriage

I’ve told myself a hundred times that I would never write these things down. The ugly things I feel when disappointment settles upon me in waves. A dismissive grunt here, a passing comment on the greater importance of your existence in comparison to mine. That your income is more important to our...

Been very busy the last few weeks. My wife has been…..something has changed. But I don’t want to talk about that. Let’s talk about my issues. It’s not that I don’t like her, I don’t think. It’s that she’s so heavy. A few weeks ago I was feeling fully myself, which has been rare the…

Let me preface this by saying I don’t like when people are all the time sad, all the time angry, all the time complaining. Yet I am all of those things in this diary. I like to curate my emotions, for myself and for others, with an appetizer, the main entree and a subtle dessert.…

Such melodramatic titles. I’m still hiding myself, sorry to repeat. My dark side just came out hard core 3 years ago and nearly fully blotted out everything good in me. And I’ve regained a lot of the good that was lost, but only by — muting parts of myself. It was the self hatred. It…

I don’t know how to speak beauty anymore. I don’t know how to feel my soul anymore, how to express...anything. I feel like a creaky machine, rusty and noisy and broken. I do not know where to start. How to get my words back, my voice back. I have random words. Pain. Ouch. Ah. I…

I haven't written in a while, I always think about it and then get busy with something else and never end up doing it... We went to Greece in June and it was AH-MAZING!!! I got to meet my family that we still have over there and they were so wonderful, so amazing, so sweet!!!…

I've been mostly up since 4:30 this morning, on my day off. Bella kept trying to wake up, so I tried my hardest to stay in bed, despite needing to get up to use the restroom. Darryl moving around to get ready for work probably didn't help. Eventually I couldn't wait anymore and quietly got…

Wow, what a warm welcome I received on here! It's so nice to know that a supportive OD community still exists -- I really appreciate you guys sharing your own mental health journeys with me. Someone commented that their son did very well on Wellbutrin, and apparently that was all the push I neede...

Thanksgiving without her was different. I want to forgive her for what she's done but i cant get over that she's done this before and she will again. I want to do whats right for my kids, i think they are taking it well (on the outside) however on the inside i know they are…

I think writing a couple of things to show where i am emotionally on this roller coaster of the process to end a 17 yr old marriage (that i thought was a happy one)  after a couple of cheating episodes helps me cope with the situation. I keep telling myself, this too will pass.... things…