my anxiety and ednos is getting worse… !!TW/ED!!

I’ve been having way more anxiety attacks over meals lately…. I feel so fat eating anything, and i started hyperventalating at the thought of eating any of my fear foods, even sushi (coz of the white rice) which has been okay for me up until now, and my fear foods list has slowly been growing. I get nervous eating such minimal amounts, although I try to eat small and regular meals for the sake of preventing a binge and speeding up metabolism. I even start getting nervous over events and possibilites that aren’t even a guarentee or planned yet. Like thinking about my birthday and the calorie filled, sugary cake, fattening pub dinners and my amazing but obese grandma offering plate upon plate of calorific junkfood.

I feel trapped at the thought of eating it, and I begin having a panic attack. I have no idea what to do and my eating disorder thoughts have begun taking over even more than usual, and I no longer feel in control.