Well, that was quick…

I woke up the day after dope feeling like I wanted to crawl inside my wife and die.  I still feel that way, but now there are drugs in my home and in my lungs and blood so I feel healthier. heh.

It’s business as usual for now… please.  Just.  OK?  Me and the wife are lovingly getting along, our dishwasher broke, yea, meth heads… we have your problems too!!  Ugh.  I thought I had it.  But instead it grabbed me, hung me upside down, and played with me for  a minute just for its pleasure, then tossed me into the gutter.  Back down.  I have a pillow and a blanket, this is where I will lay until… yea.  Thankyouverymuch.

Had the saddest hallucination/argument thing with Laura the other nite.  I was screaming, pleading for her to put me out of my misery, to tell me who she was cheating on me with (nobody) andI said that she can’t [possib;y know how it feels that it feels so real ya know, and she said,  “Well, I am real and you’re hurting me!” I scooped her up and hugged her real tight and conceded for the night.  This is horrible.  Y’all just don’t wanna know what it is like to actually feel a penis (and yes I have been with a man so I know what they feel like lol) going into your wife’s body over and over until you scream for it to stop.  I have never written about it before, and I will only in the future once more and then that is the last I ever wanna think about it.  I know, that isn’t healthy, but dammit.  That shit haunts my every day.  And if you think it’s the sex, get the fuck off my diary.  It has the least to do with the sexual part of it.  OK, well  I should go.  I am looking up online therapists and boy is that ever fun.  LOL.

love…