A Letter to my Husband

I have written him a letter. At first when I wrote it, I was certain that this would work, but after reading a few comments on my previous post and reading what my sisters are advising I am having 2nd thoughts.

I huge part of me hopes that he will read this and get on board. But after what @critics…has written, I now feel conflicted.

Komika Display

I don’t know what to do.

We have been in this place before. And I have told you what needs to happen and what you need to work on and give and I have tried to make us work.

Right now, I don’t know what to do. For the past few days, I have tried to rationalize with myself, and I have tried to come with a concrete answer.

I want to trust in all that we both say. But I know from our history we get onto the right track and then somewhere along the line we think we have it all, and we just stop. But I don’t want to keep getting to this place; this place where I just question everything, and I want to end things. I want to trust in our relationship and trust that we are on the right path.

I know that I have things that you may not, and I know that you feel loaded with everyone’s issues and having to balance everyone.

Now I am not going to tell you what to do. Nor am I going to act as if I know better than you or as if I have the answers for you.

On Saturday/Sunday I was sure about us ending. I couldn’t manage all my emotions and I was trying to understand how someone who says they love me could lie to me and choose to go against their promise to me and continue to hurt me. The things you say to me, when you are angry and have been drinking are so hurtful. The way that I must manage our home gets so tiring and having to answer to everyone and having to be responsible on my own is tough. I wish that you would put more focus in our life and home. I wish that you would take on more responsibility and be my equal.

I love you, but I need you to love yourself and me too. I need you to love us more that you love your work, or alcohol or our lifestyle.

We honestly are too much about the ‘talk’ and don’t follow through on what we say.

I don’t know what lies ahead for us. I mean I feel kinda flimsy having been so sure to end things between us and for you to go to Durban. But right now, Durban isn’t happening and I don’t know where we stand.

It would’ve be great if we could have just separated for some time and just gotten perspective of life without each other and ask ourselves what we really want. But since that isn’t a possibility. I am going to insist on a few things.

No more drinking
You need to see a therapist and stick to it
You need to contribute to our home every month and regularly.
We cannot live tit for tat

Now I know I need to work on myself, and I do plan on doing it, but this isn’t an either or, nor is it dependent on each of us living up to our individual terms.