I’m a Mess…
Ever feel as if when 1 thing goes wrong, everything else needs to follow suite too.
Ever feel as if you need to be consoled and you need people to give you advice but then suddenly something happens and you need to sort out everyone else’s life?
Last night my husband and I had a great talk over dinner.
HE HAS AGREED TO SEE A THERAPIST AND GET HELP.
HE HAS AGREED TO STOP DRINKING.
HE HAS AGREED TO PUT ME FIRST AND WORK MORE ON US AS SUPPOSED TO HIS WORK.
HE HAS AGREED TO WORK ON HIMSELF…STUDIES, HIS HEALTH, HIS FINANCES.
is telling me to let him go and to focus on me and start new and to let him sort himself out without me and to just end it. And on the weekend and on Monday I was so sure about it. But now I am so confused. Besides not wanting to be alone and scared of life without him, I love him so much and he does make me happy, he does care for me and he does protect him and do what he can. But on the other end I am tired of his drinking, how verbally abusive he becomes when he has been drinking. How he doesn’t offer to cover our living expenses and he doesn’t willingly contribute towards us…but I will say how when I ask and he does have he will help. I mean he did just take out a 2k loan from his work, which they took back with some interest, off his December salary. Hence why he cannot really afford to go to Durban now. He was going to take another bank loan to help him go to Durban etc, but he cannot afford to pay back the loans and still live and contribute towards our living expenses.
He goes on leave on Friday. I go on leave the next Friday. We could use the next few weeks as a time to build on our marriage. He can focus on going to therapists and get help. I can focus on myself and just find myself again.
Is it right to just give up on him now? He has no one really. Yes, he has a family but they all depend on him.
Well I am busy trying to find him a therapist. Here I am trying to sort out everyone’s life…
The other life is am trying to sort out is my bio mom.
I called her yesterday and she told me she went to the clinic on Monday and was told that her Kidneys are failing. They then told her to go and only come back to them on the 4th of January 2022. So I told her to go to a private doc and I would speak to the doc and pay for it, as she is only getting her grant money next week.
But now I am trying to sort out my life, while making sure my mother is alright and getting whatever help she can get, I mean she lives with my older half sister, but no one can rely on her for any help unless it benefits her and giving my husband advice and getting him to sort out his life.
Right now I am at work. I have to organize a quick move for us, so I am busy shredding paper, answering calls, filing documents, attending to quotes and clients needs…let’s not forget my colleagues’ needs…and I am making sure that everything is ready for us to move in a few days…and my fuckin’ boss is going away for the weekend, now!! Like Really?? I want someone to just let me breathe and help me sort out my life.
I wish you luck my dear. You can do it. Don’t let this toxic relationship go on!!!!
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((((HUGS))))
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I really want to believe that we can work through this. I love him so much, and I feel I have invested so much in him and me. How fair is it to completely end it, when I know no one is perfect?
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You’ve written this entry about 50xs before where he tells you everything you want to hear and there is never any real follow through. He has no real plans to change-because you tolerate his bad behavior. All he has to do is say the right words and you let him back in. Look at his actions, that is where his intent lies. If he meant any of it, he would be the one looking for a therapist for himself- not you.
Sorry to be blunt, but I’ve been in your place before with someone I loved who had an addiction. They are master manipulators. The only cure to dealing with a person like this is to learn to stand on your own 2 feet and stop being afraid of being alone– then, either they follow and get help or they don’t, but either way you’re going to be OK. You’re trading real love for scraps of attention at this point.
@thecriticsdarling – Thank you for being honest.
Thank you for telling it to me straight. I think this is what I needed to hear.
@ncumisa I say it because I wish someone had said it to me…. I don’t know if I would have listened to it either, but I was so enmeshed in the relationship and my love for him, I couldn’t get perspective till people were straight with me. I hope you know I don’t say it to be unkind.
@thecriticsdarling – I know you mean well.
But now I am stuck again. I am like a seesaw and not sure what to do.
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I am in similar circumstances. Unhappy, I don’t feel loved or respected. But I have given everything to this marriage. And the kids oh the kids. I am afraid of losing them as I can’t financially provide for them since quitting my job to be a SAHM. We do everything for everyone. We are wonderwoman. But we are left empty.
@unknownexistence – so true!!
I wish I could give you advice. Is there no way you can change your lifestyle so you create a life when you are no longer so dependent on him. And will be able to afford a life for yourself and your kids, and possibly get alimony?
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