So Confused…
Last night we spoke. And he is some real good smooth talker.
He has got me questioning everything…
He has got be wanting to forgive him…
I have told my sisters what he has said to me and my one sister is adamant that he will not change and my other sister is just being supportive and kinda telling me the same…
Right now I am all over the place. When I told him he has to leave I was so sure about it. I had belief in myself that I would rise and I will be able to move on. But then he tells me that he plans on working on himself and us when he comes back from Durban. He goes on about how he will never take off his wedding ring, I haven’t been wearing mine for a a few days now…he will always fight for us and believe in us. He went on to tell me how he sees us having kids together and having our forever. He went on about how marriages have their ups and downs, how that is normal. But when he comes back he is going to seek professional help, he will work on us and be the husband that he has failed being…
Why will he only work on himself and our marriage after Durban?
Yes telling me he sees us having kids was a good way to work on my heart strings. He knows that right now there is probably nothing that I want more than to have children…
… He knows that I have spoken to a OB/GYN and Fertility Treatment specialist about having kids. I filled in a form, months ago and gave it to him so he could fill in his part and we could get tested etc, but he has never even touched the form…so why should I believe now that he is willing to try for us to have kids when besides all the unprotected sex we have been having he hasn’t tried more?
Yes marriages have their ups and downs, but doesn’t it become a problem when it is the same thing over and over again? I don’t expect us to never argue but come one when will I arguments be about other stuff and not about him drinking and verbally abusing me…
He pointed out how I can also be verbally abusive? What? When is this?
I only mean good for him.
I only want the best for him.
I don’t want to have to ask him to do things for me or think of me.
I don’t want to have to always be in charge!
I don’t want to feel so alone.
What is so wrong with me that I cannot be truly loved? Okay, I need to stop, before I start to cry.
